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Substance Abuse
Moms and tough love.....
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<blockquote data-quote="exhausted" data-source="post: 507255" data-attributes="member: 11001"><p>TL,</p><p>You are so right! My parents were not the helping kind. In fact they were selfish and didn't help when they could have and should have. Both of them were given money by their parents and bailed out at every turn with money, physical and emotional help. But my brothers and sister and I were dumped out. My sister was not even an adult when she was asked to leave and my brother ran off because my mom was so hard on him (more than the rest of us). I was in college by the time I was 17. I was a good kid and a good student. They never gave me a dime, a meal or a place to do laundry. In some ways it has made me tough and responsible. In another way, I felt so uncared for and stressed that I did not want to do this to my kids. My mom and dad took me off there insurance as soon as I started college (no reason to since I didnt cost extra). I had a major accident and the bills were enormous. I went through all kinds of trauma both physically and mentally. It took 2 years to get those bills paid for by the county and a small portion for me to pay off when I was in school and could barely feed myself. The people involved in helping me were shocked at what my parents had done.</p><p></p><p>I do not want to be this way because it has been damaging to all of our emotional security with our parents. They always say they love us and yet....I could never count on them for any kind of help. On the other hand, when you are being manipulated and taken advantage of.....</p><p></p><p>The line is thin. Noone gets through life without help. We are social beings and we need each other. The trouble with difficult children is they will get the wrong kind of help when we are not there directing traffic and their very lives are in danger. What parent wouldn't struggle with when to help and when not to when they put themselves in danger?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="exhausted, post: 507255, member: 11001"] TL, You are so right! My parents were not the helping kind. In fact they were selfish and didn't help when they could have and should have. Both of them were given money by their parents and bailed out at every turn with money, physical and emotional help. But my brothers and sister and I were dumped out. My sister was not even an adult when she was asked to leave and my brother ran off because my mom was so hard on him (more than the rest of us). I was in college by the time I was 17. I was a good kid and a good student. They never gave me a dime, a meal or a place to do laundry. In some ways it has made me tough and responsible. In another way, I felt so uncared for and stressed that I did not want to do this to my kids. My mom and dad took me off there insurance as soon as I started college (no reason to since I didnt cost extra). I had a major accident and the bills were enormous. I went through all kinds of trauma both physically and mentally. It took 2 years to get those bills paid for by the county and a small portion for me to pay off when I was in school and could barely feed myself. The people involved in helping me were shocked at what my parents had done. I do not want to be this way because it has been damaging to all of our emotional security with our parents. They always say they love us and yet....I could never count on them for any kind of help. On the other hand, when you are being manipulated and taken advantage of..... The line is thin. Noone gets through life without help. We are social beings and we need each other. The trouble with difficult children is they will get the wrong kind of help when we are not there directing traffic and their very lives are in danger. What parent wouldn't struggle with when to help and when not to when they put themselves in danger? [/QUOTE]
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