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More broken stuff and denial
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 125746" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Sadly, sometimes it's just easier to do nothing than to do the battles -- especially when you don't have the evidence. It does sound like both of these incidents were accidents but kids are frequently afraid to even admit they accidently broke something. They still get the lectures (you may not have meant to break it but if you hadn't been using it when you shouldn't, it wouldn't have happened), the punishment. So, it is easier for the child to deny, especially at ages 8-12. Comes with the territory.</p><p> </p><p>For your SO, she probably has some PTSD. Most of us do. We've been screamed it, seen the temper tantrums too often. So, it is sometimes easier to just ignore the wrong than put up with the battle. As she said, she didn't see her daughter break her laptop and I'm sure she knew what the response and reaction would be if she insisted her child had indeed broken it, especially if she planned to dole out some punishment. So, denial is easier. For your property, there was little question who broke it since it was known who had it last. In addition, having your child break your things is one thing -- it goes with the territory -- it is another when someone else's things are broken. There is the responsibility for your child's actions, there is the guilt that something else has been broken, there is the fear that the other person will be angry at mom and at child. It is a horrid spot to be in. been there done that too many times.</p><p> </p><p>One thing I found that helped was to simply tell my daughter I knew she had done X. She didn't need to deny or argue it. Here was the consequence. End of discussion. If it turned out I was wrong, I would simply apologize and explain that I wouldn't have accused had it not occurred so often by her and her constant denials, which meant I couldn't believe any denial she made. It took awhile, but she did begin to admit at least some transgressions. Until that started to occur, it was just easier to state the obvious, do what was necessary and have no discussions about it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 125746, member: 3626"] Sadly, sometimes it's just easier to do nothing than to do the battles -- especially when you don't have the evidence. It does sound like both of these incidents were accidents but kids are frequently afraid to even admit they accidently broke something. They still get the lectures (you may not have meant to break it but if you hadn't been using it when you shouldn't, it wouldn't have happened), the punishment. So, it is easier for the child to deny, especially at ages 8-12. Comes with the territory. For your SO, she probably has some PTSD. Most of us do. We've been screamed it, seen the temper tantrums too often. So, it is sometimes easier to just ignore the wrong than put up with the battle. As she said, she didn't see her daughter break her laptop and I'm sure she knew what the response and reaction would be if she insisted her child had indeed broken it, especially if she planned to dole out some punishment. So, denial is easier. For your property, there was little question who broke it since it was known who had it last. In addition, having your child break your things is one thing -- it goes with the territory -- it is another when someone else's things are broken. There is the responsibility for your child's actions, there is the guilt that something else has been broken, there is the fear that the other person will be angry at mom and at child. It is a horrid spot to be in. been there done that too many times. One thing I found that helped was to simply tell my daughter I knew she had done X. She didn't need to deny or argue it. Here was the consequence. End of discussion. If it turned out I was wrong, I would simply apologize and explain that I wouldn't have accused had it not occurred so often by her and her constant denials, which meant I couldn't believe any denial she made. It took awhile, but she did begin to admit at least some transgressions. Until that started to occur, it was just easier to state the obvious, do what was necessary and have no discussions about it. [/QUOTE]
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