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Substance Abuse
More drug problems, just one week after rehab
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 500093" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You and husband need to get on the same page. If you cannot do this by yourselves, get a therapist and make a decision. I once asked my kids what they would do if I thought I had to evict them. They ALL told me they would be rather afraid to push me that far. They told me that they knew I woudl make life a living misery until they left if they had broken a line like that and then refused to leave. They KNOW I wouldn't throw them out except for something extreme and they would have a LOT of warning and if they were surprised it would be their own fault. At the time Wiz HATED me and even he said this and that he knew that I wouldn't throw him out except for something incredibly serious.</p><p></p><p>Your son is passing drug tests with someone else's urine. They put it into a balloon or condom and hide it in their underwear so that it stays warm, then during the drug test they put it into the container and pass it as their own. I was shocked by this but the nurse at my pain doctor explained it when I told her their was an empty balloon on the floor of the bathroom. They ran and got the person who had been in there (they keep a log for that bathroom for this reason - they prescribe serious pain medications for serious problems and they do a lot of testing to make sure that the medications are taken correctly) and made them do it again and apparently there was a problem because the doctor had his upset serious face when he went to the room to talk to the patient. He is a sweetie and he HATES this aspect of pain - what it can push people to do . </p><p></p><p>Anyway, did you agree with your husband when you told difficult child that any contact with the homeless girl would mean that he had to leave your home? Or is that something one of you said with-o talking to the other? Either way, a HUGE part of difficult child parenting is not saying something if you won't follow through. I know graduation is important, but so is maintaining safety in your home. Drugs are not safe. </p><p></p><p>I don't know what you should do, but you need to think about what will happen if you dont' kick him out. WHY would the teacher tell you he was using if he wasn't? Very few teachers are out to get or hurt a student. They don't get paid enough for that. So why would she lie? I know difficult child can tell you ten reasons, but would they be true? I would think they wouldn't be.</p><p></p><p>What does it tell difficult child if you don't follow through? Why would he pay attention to ANY boundary or limit if he thinks you won't follow through? What would throwing him out achieve? Could you put him out for a few days or a week or so and then let him come home if he was willing to then follow the rules? The point isn't to be mean or stick Occupational Therapist (OT) a limit doggedly just for the sake of sticking to it. The point is to help him hit bottom and WANT to change. </p><p></p><p>Is there a way to help the homeless girl? A program she might be able to get into? Maybe you can use her best interests to help motivate your son to do what is in his best interests. I am NOT saying she is a good influence or to take her into your home or spend $$ on her. Just that maybe if she has a chance for a better future then your son might not cling to her so much to the detriment of his life. Just a different way to think about it. It may nto be possible or practical, and that is okay. But maybe you could help him fight for his life if she was fighting for hers? Guys get odd with the rescuer thing and it is a hard impulse to break so maybe you could use it to his advantage? I am ONLY throwing out ideas, not should, would or coulds. </p><p></p><p>I hope you and husband can be on the same page. in my opinion that is hugely important. You must care for YOUR life too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 500093, member: 1233"] You and husband need to get on the same page. If you cannot do this by yourselves, get a therapist and make a decision. I once asked my kids what they would do if I thought I had to evict them. They ALL told me they would be rather afraid to push me that far. They told me that they knew I woudl make life a living misery until they left if they had broken a line like that and then refused to leave. They KNOW I wouldn't throw them out except for something extreme and they would have a LOT of warning and if they were surprised it would be their own fault. At the time Wiz HATED me and even he said this and that he knew that I wouldn't throw him out except for something incredibly serious. Your son is passing drug tests with someone else's urine. They put it into a balloon or condom and hide it in their underwear so that it stays warm, then during the drug test they put it into the container and pass it as their own. I was shocked by this but the nurse at my pain doctor explained it when I told her their was an empty balloon on the floor of the bathroom. They ran and got the person who had been in there (they keep a log for that bathroom for this reason - they prescribe serious pain medications for serious problems and they do a lot of testing to make sure that the medications are taken correctly) and made them do it again and apparently there was a problem because the doctor had his upset serious face when he went to the room to talk to the patient. He is a sweetie and he HATES this aspect of pain - what it can push people to do . Anyway, did you agree with your husband when you told difficult child that any contact with the homeless girl would mean that he had to leave your home? Or is that something one of you said with-o talking to the other? Either way, a HUGE part of difficult child parenting is not saying something if you won't follow through. I know graduation is important, but so is maintaining safety in your home. Drugs are not safe. I don't know what you should do, but you need to think about what will happen if you dont' kick him out. WHY would the teacher tell you he was using if he wasn't? Very few teachers are out to get or hurt a student. They don't get paid enough for that. So why would she lie? I know difficult child can tell you ten reasons, but would they be true? I would think they wouldn't be. What does it tell difficult child if you don't follow through? Why would he pay attention to ANY boundary or limit if he thinks you won't follow through? What would throwing him out achieve? Could you put him out for a few days or a week or so and then let him come home if he was willing to then follow the rules? The point isn't to be mean or stick Occupational Therapist (OT) a limit doggedly just for the sake of sticking to it. The point is to help him hit bottom and WANT to change. Is there a way to help the homeless girl? A program she might be able to get into? Maybe you can use her best interests to help motivate your son to do what is in his best interests. I am NOT saying she is a good influence or to take her into your home or spend $$ on her. Just that maybe if she has a chance for a better future then your son might not cling to her so much to the detriment of his life. Just a different way to think about it. It may nto be possible or practical, and that is okay. But maybe you could help him fight for his life if she was fighting for hers? Guys get odd with the rescuer thing and it is a hard impulse to break so maybe you could use it to his advantage? I am ONLY throwing out ideas, not should, would or coulds. I hope you and husband can be on the same page. in my opinion that is hugely important. You must care for YOUR life too. [/QUOTE]
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