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Substance Abuse
More drug problems, just one week after rehab
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 500180"><p>PV - You don't have to prove he is using drugs. He is or he isn't.... in a way it doesn't matter because he is violating your rules and conditions anyway. He is getting you stuck in having to justfiy your opinion that he is using which is why you feel like you have to prove it somehow. It is his way of sidetracking you from the real issue and making the argument about who is right. As long as the issue is about you and how you are unreasonable then he doesn't have to face the real issue which is his substance abuse problem and probable relapse.</p><p></p><p>So you need to let him own his drug use or non drug use. It is his problem not yours. (Yes I know it feels like it is your problem because he is screwing up his life... but really you can't own his problem, he has to). As someone in my alanon meeting says "I can't be my sons higher power, he has his own higher power". </p><p></p><p>So my suggestion is you back off the whole drug use discussion. I think you did the right thing letting the IOP know about the concerns and let them deal with it. If he keeps coming at you about how he is not using, only his friends are using and he happens to be there.... just say something like I don't know if you are using or not. What I do know is that I don't trust you, and I am not comfortable with the behavior you are showing whatever it is due to. It is your problem to figure out your life and then walk away....</p><p></p><p>And yes I think start the eviction proceedings... if he somehow turns things around you can always stop the eviction.</p><p></p><p>I think we can so easily get caught up in the is he using or isn't he... we become detectives... it matters to us if they are or are not.... and the whole rebellion thing, going against mom and dad thing, gets all caught up in it. It is better to stand back and really let his drug use be his problem. And actually I feel the same way about relationships too... I would not try to govern who he is friends with. At this age it won't work and it tends to drive them towards the people you don't like just to show you, you are wrong.</p><p></p><p>Really at this point all you can do is set limits on what is allowed in your house with your property. And if he gets destructive at all or starts stealing from you get the police invovled.</p><p></p><p>As I said before my thoughts on this come from experience. I have done the drug testing and been conned and fooled. At this point I am trying to not say much about his drug use or relapses.... and just trying to be supportive when he is dealing with it. It really is his problem and the truth is drug addiction is a hard problem to deal with. It is easy to avoid the real issue when you can make the issue about how your mom and dad are unreasonable and uncool.</p><p></p><p>Hugs,</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 500180"] PV - You don't have to prove he is using drugs. He is or he isn't.... in a way it doesn't matter because he is violating your rules and conditions anyway. He is getting you stuck in having to justfiy your opinion that he is using which is why you feel like you have to prove it somehow. It is his way of sidetracking you from the real issue and making the argument about who is right. As long as the issue is about you and how you are unreasonable then he doesn't have to face the real issue which is his substance abuse problem and probable relapse. So you need to let him own his drug use or non drug use. It is his problem not yours. (Yes I know it feels like it is your problem because he is screwing up his life... but really you can't own his problem, he has to). As someone in my alanon meeting says "I can't be my sons higher power, he has his own higher power". So my suggestion is you back off the whole drug use discussion. I think you did the right thing letting the IOP know about the concerns and let them deal with it. If he keeps coming at you about how he is not using, only his friends are using and he happens to be there.... just say something like I don't know if you are using or not. What I do know is that I don't trust you, and I am not comfortable with the behavior you are showing whatever it is due to. It is your problem to figure out your life and then walk away.... And yes I think start the eviction proceedings... if he somehow turns things around you can always stop the eviction. I think we can so easily get caught up in the is he using or isn't he... we become detectives... it matters to us if they are or are not.... and the whole rebellion thing, going against mom and dad thing, gets all caught up in it. It is better to stand back and really let his drug use be his problem. And actually I feel the same way about relationships too... I would not try to govern who he is friends with. At this age it won't work and it tends to drive them towards the people you don't like just to show you, you are wrong. Really at this point all you can do is set limits on what is allowed in your house with your property. And if he gets destructive at all or starts stealing from you get the police invovled. As I said before my thoughts on this come from experience. I have done the drug testing and been conned and fooled. At this point I am trying to not say much about his drug use or relapses.... and just trying to be supportive when he is dealing with it. It really is his problem and the truth is drug addiction is a hard problem to deal with. It is easy to avoid the real issue when you can make the issue about how your mom and dad are unreasonable and uncool. Hugs, TL [/QUOTE]
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More drug problems, just one week after rehab
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