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More musings, but from an upright position......
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<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 646416" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>RE what a great post. Sometimes getting sick can do wonders<img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p><p></p><p>It's amazing how when we finally break free from our difficult child's and really start moving forward that we are able to take our lives back. What does that mean taking our lives back?</p><p>For so long our lives have been consumed with our difficult child's and all that entails and we the parents lose ourselves in the midst of the chaos. What is left is shell of our former self.</p><p>Some have lost friendships in the process as they could not bear to share the truth with them or they, the friend, could not handle the truth that was shared with them. Some have had family turn against them as they could not understand the need we have to detach, to stop enabling, to stop being an ATM machine, to stop bailing them out and "fixing" their problems for them. They do not understand that we are on the verge of losing our sanity.</p><p></p><p>Here is where we take our lives back. It begins slowly and feels odd. We find ourselves enjoying life once again and engage in doing things we used to love and discover new things, but then you feel guilty. You think, how can I enjoy my life when my difficult child is still struggling? Again, it is a slow process to take our lives back but each day that passes we work through those emotions and the chaos that once consumed us is replaced with calm.</p><p></p><p>I remember when husband and I started to take our lives back, it was an odd feeling. Where in the past the majority of our conversations revolved around our difficult child. We started taking long drives on the weekends, you know the kind where you just head out and explore. We would drive through small towns and find the local diner, stop and have lunch then head over to the antique shop and wonder around, or we would drive to the shore of Lake Michigan and just sit and enjoy watching the waves. It's simple, it's peaceful. We still love to take our weekend drives but we have also started traveling again which is something we both love to do.</p><p></p><p>In the beginning I had some leftover feelings of guilt which I quickly dismissed. I reminded myself that husband and I have worked very hard to have the life we have and it's ok to enjoy it. There were some other key factors in helping to cement in my mind that life is short and I have to live in the moment. When I have opportunities I need to take them.</p><p></p><p>We have dear friends that always stood by us and never passed judgment when we were dealing with difficult child. 5 years ago we 3 couples went to Mexico to celebrate our one good friends 50th birthday. We had a wonderful time. That was in January, in April that same friend called to tell us he had Pancreatic cancer. Sadly, he passed away just after Christmas that same year. I will forever be grateful that we took that trip.</p><p></p><p>3 years ago my husband out of the blue started having Grand Mal seizures. It was a terrifying experience and a tough year. With the help of medication the seizures were kept under control. He is now seizure free. Once again I was reminded how short and fragile life is. Last year we celebrated our 25th anniversary and took a trip to Italy.</p><p></p><p>The first week in March we are going to Antigua.</p><p></p><p>We have fought the battle, we survived, we have taken our lives back. Now is the time to live in the moment. Do the things you want to do. Don't let "stuff" get in the way because then you are left with regret and life is too short for regrets.</p><p></p><p></p><p>YES, YES, YES!!! Take the opportunity.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 646416, member: 18516"] RE what a great post. Sometimes getting sick can do wonders;) It's amazing how when we finally break free from our difficult child's and really start moving forward that we are able to take our lives back. What does that mean taking our lives back? For so long our lives have been consumed with our difficult child's and all that entails and we the parents lose ourselves in the midst of the chaos. What is left is shell of our former self. Some have lost friendships in the process as they could not bear to share the truth with them or they, the friend, could not handle the truth that was shared with them. Some have had family turn against them as they could not understand the need we have to detach, to stop enabling, to stop being an ATM machine, to stop bailing them out and "fixing" their problems for them. They do not understand that we are on the verge of losing our sanity. Here is where we take our lives back. It begins slowly and feels odd. We find ourselves enjoying life once again and engage in doing things we used to love and discover new things, but then you feel guilty. You think, how can I enjoy my life when my difficult child is still struggling? Again, it is a slow process to take our lives back but each day that passes we work through those emotions and the chaos that once consumed us is replaced with calm. I remember when husband and I started to take our lives back, it was an odd feeling. Where in the past the majority of our conversations revolved around our difficult child. We started taking long drives on the weekends, you know the kind where you just head out and explore. We would drive through small towns and find the local diner, stop and have lunch then head over to the antique shop and wonder around, or we would drive to the shore of Lake Michigan and just sit and enjoy watching the waves. It's simple, it's peaceful. We still love to take our weekend drives but we have also started traveling again which is something we both love to do. In the beginning I had some leftover feelings of guilt which I quickly dismissed. I reminded myself that husband and I have worked very hard to have the life we have and it's ok to enjoy it. There were some other key factors in helping to cement in my mind that life is short and I have to live in the moment. When I have opportunities I need to take them. We have dear friends that always stood by us and never passed judgment when we were dealing with difficult child. 5 years ago we 3 couples went to Mexico to celebrate our one good friends 50th birthday. We had a wonderful time. That was in January, in April that same friend called to tell us he had Pancreatic cancer. Sadly, he passed away just after Christmas that same year. I will forever be grateful that we took that trip. 3 years ago my husband out of the blue started having Grand Mal seizures. It was a terrifying experience and a tough year. With the help of medication the seizures were kept under control. He is now seizure free. Once again I was reminded how short and fragile life is. Last year we celebrated our 25th anniversary and took a trip to Italy. The first week in March we are going to Antigua. We have fought the battle, we survived, we have taken our lives back. Now is the time to live in the moment. Do the things you want to do. Don't let "stuff" get in the way because then you are left with regret and life is too short for regrets. YES, YES, YES!!! Take the opportunity. [/QUOTE]
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