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More on my sociopath daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="2much2recover" data-source="post: 649540" data-attributes="member: 18366"><p>Ironically you bring this up because my therapist says I am an Empath. So yes, my daughter and I are on totally opposite ends of the spectrum in your example. </p><p></p><p>If I could say one thing it would be to: Stop, Listen and <em>then </em>Act or react. It is a skill you have to teach yourself once you give up on the idea that everything that happens, the way your child turned out is your fault. If your adult child <em>still </em>has problems the best way to avoid making them your problems is to use the stop/ listen/ act-react. When you do this with people who are manipulating you, if you listen to where they are leading you you can then act, say, by leading the conversation in another directing or by pretending you didn't hear what they wanted you to hear. It's a very tough game <em>and </em>exhausting which is why I can't do it anymore. But id you stop and listen to what that other person is really saying to you, what is it they want from you, or what are they implying, well you are in a better place to act on the right choices for you and for the rest of your family. This techniques works with anybody by the way. Another thing I like to say is to let the other person talk their head off to you - when you truly listen you will be shocked at how much people will reveal about their true nature or character. Then you can act or react to whether you want to be complicit in what they want from you.</p><p>It is a tool, but from what I have seen most of the people here, on this board are capable of putting it in their tool-bag. </p><p></p><p></p><p>Agreed, people who abuse others are ultimately responsible for the harm they cause. Don't you see that it applies to the abuse our children heap on us as well? Abuse is abuse no matter who perpetrates it and no one should be let off the hook for it unless there is an ABSOLUTE and completely coming of understanding the harm that caused and you and they show, through future actions that they are truly remorseful. They get no second chance unless there is a huge turn around, hopefully facilitated by competent mental health treatment. For my daughter, the first time I went NC I told her we could not talk again unless it was in a therapist office. Somehow she slipped through the door when I was severely and utterly sick, really too weak to realize what was going on. After 1 year of contact I realize that it was a mistake because there is no remorse on her side.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="2much2recover, post: 649540, member: 18366"] Ironically you bring this up because my therapist says I am an Empath. So yes, my daughter and I are on totally opposite ends of the spectrum in your example. If I could say one thing it would be to: Stop, Listen and [I]then [/I]Act or react. It is a skill you have to teach yourself once you give up on the idea that everything that happens, the way your child turned out is your fault. If your adult child [I]still [/I]has problems the best way to avoid making them your problems is to use the stop/ listen/ act-react. When you do this with people who are manipulating you, if you listen to where they are leading you you can then act, say, by leading the conversation in another directing or by pretending you didn't hear what they wanted you to hear. It's a very tough game [I]and [/I]exhausting which is why I can't do it anymore. But id you stop and listen to what that other person is really saying to you, what is it they want from you, or what are they implying, well you are in a better place to act on the right choices for you and for the rest of your family. This techniques works with anybody by the way. Another thing I like to say is to let the other person talk their head off to you - when you truly listen you will be shocked at how much people will reveal about their true nature or character. Then you can act or react to whether you want to be complicit in what they want from you. It is a tool, but from what I have seen most of the people here, on this board are capable of putting it in their tool-bag. Agreed, people who abuse others are ultimately responsible for the harm they cause. Don't you see that it applies to the abuse our children heap on us as well? Abuse is abuse no matter who perpetrates it and no one should be let off the hook for it unless there is an ABSOLUTE and completely coming of understanding the harm that caused and you and they show, through future actions that they are truly remorseful. They get no second chance unless there is a huge turn around, hopefully facilitated by competent mental health treatment. For my daughter, the first time I went NC I told her we could not talk again unless it was in a therapist office. Somehow she slipped through the door when I was severely and utterly sick, really too weak to realize what was going on. After 1 year of contact I realize that it was a mistake because there is no remorse on her side. [/QUOTE]
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