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More Planning, More Worries on Guardianship details
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 585004" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>If you are given guardianship, esp the 'of person' type, then you WILL be liable for any damage that difficult child does. I can easily see the need for guardianship in your situation, and while normally it isn't an issue for most parents, when has 'normally' ever truly applied to our kids?</p><p></p><p>I have long thought that there should be a two or three year period starting at age eighteen where if a child has certain problems there are thing in place to help them mature. A time when parents still have guardianship because the child needs a couple more years to be ready for adult life. I haven't worked out all the details in my head, but pretty much a time for them to be 'adults' but still have the figurative training wheels so that if they are headed into major problems or already have major problems, the parents are not so powerless to help. </p><p></p><p>So many times an 18 yo has all of the control and none of the sense and/or logic they need to handle their affairs, and it can end up a total mess if the parents are not able/willing to help. </p><p></p><p>gsinjane, I think you have missed the reasons this topic is being discussed. Of course at 18 the parent of a normal child is no longer responsible for what the child does, and often it is a sense of moral responsibility rather than legal responsibility that keeps parents on the hook financially. Many of our kids are far from normal and given their problems and the causes of them, parents have to take guardianship or make arrangements for the state to do so because the child/teen/newbie adult simply is not able to cope wtih the world and function like an adult with any degree of success. We are talking about our children who will need caregivers, group homes and many other supports simply to survive in this world. </p><p></p><p>I would be very reluctant to take on guardianship if I were you, nerfherder. Up to now, you have had the parental responsibility simply due to difficult child's age. Many kids hate this, and count on the fact that at age 18 they are 'adults' and we cannot force them to do much of anything. Given the issues with your difficult child, I can see problems ahead if you retain guardianship. She is going to resent it in a major way, and at least for a time will act out in whatever ways she thinks will upset you the most or cost you the most money.</p><p></p><p>If guardianship goes to the state, and you are able to play a very active part but one that is behind the scenes (reporting problems, etc... to the person/group who act as guardian), your relationship with her will likely be much better. She won't be able to blame you for all her problems, and you can develop a more positive relationship rather than having to stay in the role of "the person who ruins all the fun, and my entire life" which is largely what many teens think the role of a parent is all about, at least that is what many of them will tell you. </p><p></p><p>You need to speak with a lawyer and difficult child's doctor. Will the doctor support difficult child's need for a guardian? Who will the state appoint as her guardian if you choose not to be? I do believe, to the best of my knowledge, that if you are her guardian then you could potentially be held responsible for her actions. That isn't a role you want or liability that you want. Around here it is DHS (dept of human services) who ends up as the guardian if a child is orphaned or if an adult is in need of a guardian and the parents are unwilling/unable/unfit to assume those responsibilities. After you speak with an attorney, you may want to set up and appointment with DHS to ask what the process is and how guardianship is handled. You can also work to figure out what role you will play if she is given a guardian through DHS.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 585004, member: 1233"] If you are given guardianship, esp the 'of person' type, then you WILL be liable for any damage that difficult child does. I can easily see the need for guardianship in your situation, and while normally it isn't an issue for most parents, when has 'normally' ever truly applied to our kids? I have long thought that there should be a two or three year period starting at age eighteen where if a child has certain problems there are thing in place to help them mature. A time when parents still have guardianship because the child needs a couple more years to be ready for adult life. I haven't worked out all the details in my head, but pretty much a time for them to be 'adults' but still have the figurative training wheels so that if they are headed into major problems or already have major problems, the parents are not so powerless to help. So many times an 18 yo has all of the control and none of the sense and/or logic they need to handle their affairs, and it can end up a total mess if the parents are not able/willing to help. gsinjane, I think you have missed the reasons this topic is being discussed. Of course at 18 the parent of a normal child is no longer responsible for what the child does, and often it is a sense of moral responsibility rather than legal responsibility that keeps parents on the hook financially. Many of our kids are far from normal and given their problems and the causes of them, parents have to take guardianship or make arrangements for the state to do so because the child/teen/newbie adult simply is not able to cope wtih the world and function like an adult with any degree of success. We are talking about our children who will need caregivers, group homes and many other supports simply to survive in this world. I would be very reluctant to take on guardianship if I were you, nerfherder. Up to now, you have had the parental responsibility simply due to difficult child's age. Many kids hate this, and count on the fact that at age 18 they are 'adults' and we cannot force them to do much of anything. Given the issues with your difficult child, I can see problems ahead if you retain guardianship. She is going to resent it in a major way, and at least for a time will act out in whatever ways she thinks will upset you the most or cost you the most money. If guardianship goes to the state, and you are able to play a very active part but one that is behind the scenes (reporting problems, etc... to the person/group who act as guardian), your relationship with her will likely be much better. She won't be able to blame you for all her problems, and you can develop a more positive relationship rather than having to stay in the role of "the person who ruins all the fun, and my entire life" which is largely what many teens think the role of a parent is all about, at least that is what many of them will tell you. You need to speak with a lawyer and difficult child's doctor. Will the doctor support difficult child's need for a guardian? Who will the state appoint as her guardian if you choose not to be? I do believe, to the best of my knowledge, that if you are her guardian then you could potentially be held responsible for her actions. That isn't a role you want or liability that you want. Around here it is DHS (dept of human services) who ends up as the guardian if a child is orphaned or if an adult is in need of a guardian and the parents are unwilling/unable/unfit to assume those responsibilities. After you speak with an attorney, you may want to set up and appointment with DHS to ask what the process is and how guardianship is handled. You can also work to figure out what role you will play if she is given a guardian through DHS. [/QUOTE]
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