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Mother and daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="witzend" data-source="post: 623653" data-attributes="member: 99"><p>I think she has made it pretty clear that not knowing why she hasn't called is the status quo. What did you learn when you called the police? That she was alive. Did you learn why she didn't call you? If you learned why could you change her mind? That's actually a trick question because you can't actually change anyone's mind about something like this. Butter or margarine? Yes. I don't want to talk to my mother? Nope. That's on her.</p><p></p><p>I understand your fear and curiosity. I also know if you force contact with her you will come out of it hurt and looking bad. If you really want to talk to her, send her a card saying, "I miss you. Please call any time you'd like to talk. Love, Mom". She can't read anything into that. She's already made her position on contact with you clear. If you unburden yourself or question her motives you're asking for more trouble than you have already.</p><p></p><p>I am in a similar yet opposite position. I got into an argument with my father 16 years ago and my entire family chose sides. Not one chose mine, although I really didn't think that there <em>were</em> sides, and I haven't heard from a single one of them since then. But manipulative people will manipulate. I find that it's best to not give them ammunition to hurt me with. Sometimes they can find ammunition if you try to contact them, sometimes they can even find ammunition if you avoid contact with them. My advice is to try to get on with your life and avoid doing anything that will give your daughter ammunition to hurt you. Questioning her decision to not call you is about the biggest bullet you can give her.</p><p></p><p>I think that you might want to look into grief counseling. You've lost your daughter, and you're right to mourn that. Being right doesn't make it easy, and you seem very sad. Sad is no way to go through life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="witzend, post: 623653, member: 99"] I think she has made it pretty clear that not knowing why she hasn't called is the status quo. What did you learn when you called the police? That she was alive. Did you learn why she didn't call you? If you learned why could you change her mind? That's actually a trick question because you can't actually change anyone's mind about something like this. Butter or margarine? Yes. I don't want to talk to my mother? Nope. That's on her. I understand your fear and curiosity. I also know if you force contact with her you will come out of it hurt and looking bad. If you really want to talk to her, send her a card saying, "I miss you. Please call any time you'd like to talk. Love, Mom". She can't read anything into that. She's already made her position on contact with you clear. If you unburden yourself or question her motives you're asking for more trouble than you have already. I am in a similar yet opposite position. I got into an argument with my father 16 years ago and my entire family chose sides. Not one chose mine, although I really didn't think that there [I]were[/I] sides, and I haven't heard from a single one of them since then. But manipulative people will manipulate. I find that it's best to not give them ammunition to hurt me with. Sometimes they can find ammunition if you try to contact them, sometimes they can even find ammunition if you avoid contact with them. My advice is to try to get on with your life and avoid doing anything that will give your daughter ammunition to hurt you. Questioning her decision to not call you is about the biggest bullet you can give her. I think that you might want to look into grief counseling. You've lost your daughter, and you're right to mourn that. Being right doesn't make it easy, and you seem very sad. Sad is no way to go through life. [/QUOTE]
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