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Mothers Day Lament
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 273597" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Don't let it get to you. This is a stage. Not all kids will go through this but it really hurts when they do.</p><p></p><p>I had several years when the kids didn't remember it was Mothers Day, did not remember my birthday, and I was not going to remind them either. A day remembered only because someone else has nagged you, is a day not valued anyway.</p><p></p><p>This year was the first that I can recall, where all my kids, all apart, made contact and wished me a happy Mother's Day. easy child was always the one most likely to remember (and she missed it for a few years) but this year I was resigned to her not making contact as she IS on her honeymoon! But we got an email from her, with Happy Mothers Day written across a lovely photo of an orchid.</p><p>I suspect the boys were reminded, but the thing is - they remembered enough to follow through.</p><p></p><p>No gifts though. Frankly, I prefer no gifts on Mothers Day because the local school had a fundraising event to "help" kids buy a gift, and my boys always got ripped off by it, I hated it. It's one thing for teachers to encourage kids in craft to make a card, but quite another to get parents to send in donated gifts, then send in money with the kids so they can buy back what we sent, or buy someone else's resentful contribution. I got some appalling gifts this way, including some used lipstick samples (still labelled "sample only - not for re-sale") in impossibly garish colours. Other horrendous gifts I've heard of - a pack of used teabags. I'm not kidding. I would send notes to the school saying, "We are not participating in the Mothers Day fundraiser, do not send my child to buy a gift, do not give him money to buy one then expect me to reimburse. We do not give gifts in this house, for Mothers Day." And still, I would get something ghastly (such as a bath bomb sold at the local shop for 50c which previous experience told me stained the bathtub green, and which the school charged my kid $5 for).</p><p></p><p>You have choices - you could shrug and say nothing and expect more of the same. You could wait, and hope that in years to come you will find a better response (as I have now). Or you could call a family conference AFTER the effect and say, "I don't want anything in retrospect, but your failure to even notice tells me that my role as mother is not respected. That must change because I do a great deal for you all and if you do not value it, then I will be less inclined to go the extra mile for you all. In life you need to learn to appreciate what other people do for you. If you do not, you will find yourself lonely, increasingly isolated and needing to fend for yourselves. Humans are social creatures, we do need one another. If you feel you do not need me, then I will go elsewhere to be needed and appreciated. It is now up to you guys."</p><p></p><p>You then make your choice - but whatever choice you make, do NOT buy into any hurt from the behaviour of other people. Choose to let it wash past you and not affect you, then go find someone who will appreciate all you can do. Volunteer somewhere. And if it means you're too busy for your family - good.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 273597, member: 1991"] Don't let it get to you. This is a stage. Not all kids will go through this but it really hurts when they do. I had several years when the kids didn't remember it was Mothers Day, did not remember my birthday, and I was not going to remind them either. A day remembered only because someone else has nagged you, is a day not valued anyway. This year was the first that I can recall, where all my kids, all apart, made contact and wished me a happy Mother's Day. easy child was always the one most likely to remember (and she missed it for a few years) but this year I was resigned to her not making contact as she IS on her honeymoon! But we got an email from her, with Happy Mothers Day written across a lovely photo of an orchid. I suspect the boys were reminded, but the thing is - they remembered enough to follow through. No gifts though. Frankly, I prefer no gifts on Mothers Day because the local school had a fundraising event to "help" kids buy a gift, and my boys always got ripped off by it, I hated it. It's one thing for teachers to encourage kids in craft to make a card, but quite another to get parents to send in donated gifts, then send in money with the kids so they can buy back what we sent, or buy someone else's resentful contribution. I got some appalling gifts this way, including some used lipstick samples (still labelled "sample only - not for re-sale") in impossibly garish colours. Other horrendous gifts I've heard of - a pack of used teabags. I'm not kidding. I would send notes to the school saying, "We are not participating in the Mothers Day fundraiser, do not send my child to buy a gift, do not give him money to buy one then expect me to reimburse. We do not give gifts in this house, for Mothers Day." And still, I would get something ghastly (such as a bath bomb sold at the local shop for 50c which previous experience told me stained the bathtub green, and which the school charged my kid $5 for). You have choices - you could shrug and say nothing and expect more of the same. You could wait, and hope that in years to come you will find a better response (as I have now). Or you could call a family conference AFTER the effect and say, "I don't want anything in retrospect, but your failure to even notice tells me that my role as mother is not respected. That must change because I do a great deal for you all and if you do not value it, then I will be less inclined to go the extra mile for you all. In life you need to learn to appreciate what other people do for you. If you do not, you will find yourself lonely, increasingly isolated and needing to fend for yourselves. Humans are social creatures, we do need one another. If you feel you do not need me, then I will go elsewhere to be needed and appreciated. It is now up to you guys." You then make your choice - but whatever choice you make, do NOT buy into any hurt from the behaviour of other people. Choose to let it wash past you and not affect you, then go find someone who will appreciate all you can do. Volunteer somewhere. And if it means you're too busy for your family - good. Marg [/QUOTE]
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