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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar II" data-source="post: 119650" data-attributes="member: 4391"><p>When I began changing my responses to our difficult child, the same kinds of things happened, to the point that, when husband was out of the room, difficult child roared at me that things WOULD be the way he wanted them.</p><p></p><p>And had husband not been the strong one then, difficult child would probably have gotten his way too, because I got popped into that fugue state that always used to happen to me when I would try to make sense out of what difficult child was saying and doing and expecting.</p><p></p><p>He can still pop me into that shocked place.</p><p></p><p>But that is okay, Stands. difficult child did not pop you into it far enough that you relented on paying bail.</p><p></p><p>That's a really important measure of progress, I think.</p><p></p><p>I don't hear anywhere in there that you empathized with your difficult child in his complaints about the kitchen, either.</p><p></p><p>That's good, and another really important step forward for you, Stands.</p><p></p><p>We need to remember to give ourselves a pat on the back after episodes like this. Remember back to the days when you would have been chasing after everything difficult child wanted you to do ~and remember the outcome, when you did do what he asked.</p><p></p><p>As rough as this has been for you, you are getting stronger and seeing more clearly.</p><p></p><p>I know it hurts, and I'm sorry, Stands.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar II, post: 119650, member: 4391"] When I began changing my responses to our difficult child, the same kinds of things happened, to the point that, when husband was out of the room, difficult child roared at me that things WOULD be the way he wanted them. And had husband not been the strong one then, difficult child would probably have gotten his way too, because I got popped into that fugue state that always used to happen to me when I would try to make sense out of what difficult child was saying and doing and expecting. He can still pop me into that shocked place. But that is okay, Stands. difficult child did not pop you into it far enough that you relented on paying bail. That's a really important measure of progress, I think. I don't hear anywhere in there that you empathized with your difficult child in his complaints about the kitchen, either. That's good, and another really important step forward for you, Stands. We need to remember to give ourselves a pat on the back after episodes like this. Remember back to the days when you would have been chasing after everything difficult child wanted you to do ~and remember the outcome, when you did do what he asked. As rough as this has been for you, you are getting stronger and seeing more clearly. I know it hurts, and I'm sorry, Stands. Barbara [/QUOTE]
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