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General Parenting
Mr. Sticky Fingers strikes again ... cousin's money
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<blockquote data-quote="klmno" data-source="post: 398791" data-attributes="member: 3699"><p>I agree with the others. I know it's not what you want to hear, but many of our kids just don't learn their lesson from typical parental methods and taking away "toys" for a certain period of time when my son was continuing to break the law (not a "revoke priviledge" type of behavior, in my humble opinion) just wasn't getting anything thru to him. I can't say that I see a big change in him while he's incarcerated or last year but he wasn't out violating other peoples' rights during that period or digging himself in deeper while incarcerated. I'm not saying that calling the police for this incident is the answer- only you can decide that. But almost always in Virginia, the first juvenile, non-violent offense is going to result in probation then getting dropped if probation is completed successfully.</p><p></p><p>I think what you need to weigh is whether or not it is working to teach him these lessons before he gets out in the real world. If it's not, you darn sure want to consider getting him in the juvie system yourself rather than keep going down a road if it's only making him worse and giving him the idea that consequences for breaking the law will be getting grounded or losing a priviledge, then boom- what happens when he's 18yo? Just speaking for my situation with my son, I finally concluded that the only way he was going to learn how to live in the real world was to have real world consequences for his actions. That doesn't mean I wanted him tried as an adult or the book thrown at him, but the stakes for us were getting so high once he started getting violent- or threatening violence- that I looked back on it and saw that punishment by taking away toys when a kid (ok- a difficult child) breaks the law or violates someone else's rights just isn't really sending him the message he needs to get. Plus, I had the same struggles you do as far as not being able to really enforce keeping privileges away from him- like computer access- because he'd outsmart me, go to any length to get to them even destroying the house and using rages to cause me to want to avoid it. All this stuff these kids do is not controllable by medications. It's manipualtion by them or learned habits a lot of times- even when they still need medications.</p><p></p><p>As Susie said, the system really botched things with me and my son, in my humble opinion, but I can't claim that my son doesn't carry any responsibility in his current situation. Even though I honestly believe that the people in our last county were so convinced that I MUST be the problem that they continuously made excuses to not focus on difficult child so it did nothing but enable him to get worse, most will not have extended families calling up half the people in the county to get things to that point to begin with.</p><p></p><p>((HUGS)) I know it's tough and you have a ton on your plate already.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="klmno, post: 398791, member: 3699"] I agree with the others. I know it's not what you want to hear, but many of our kids just don't learn their lesson from typical parental methods and taking away "toys" for a certain period of time when my son was continuing to break the law (not a "revoke priviledge" type of behavior, in my humble opinion) just wasn't getting anything thru to him. I can't say that I see a big change in him while he's incarcerated or last year but he wasn't out violating other peoples' rights during that period or digging himself in deeper while incarcerated. I'm not saying that calling the police for this incident is the answer- only you can decide that. But almost always in Virginia, the first juvenile, non-violent offense is going to result in probation then getting dropped if probation is completed successfully. I think what you need to weigh is whether or not it is working to teach him these lessons before he gets out in the real world. If it's not, you darn sure want to consider getting him in the juvie system yourself rather than keep going down a road if it's only making him worse and giving him the idea that consequences for breaking the law will be getting grounded or losing a priviledge, then boom- what happens when he's 18yo? Just speaking for my situation with my son, I finally concluded that the only way he was going to learn how to live in the real world was to have real world consequences for his actions. That doesn't mean I wanted him tried as an adult or the book thrown at him, but the stakes for us were getting so high once he started getting violent- or threatening violence- that I looked back on it and saw that punishment by taking away toys when a kid (ok- a difficult child) breaks the law or violates someone else's rights just isn't really sending him the message he needs to get. Plus, I had the same struggles you do as far as not being able to really enforce keeping privileges away from him- like computer access- because he'd outsmart me, go to any length to get to them even destroying the house and using rages to cause me to want to avoid it. All this stuff these kids do is not controllable by medications. It's manipualtion by them or learned habits a lot of times- even when they still need medications. As Susie said, the system really botched things with me and my son, in my humble opinion, but I can't claim that my son doesn't carry any responsibility in his current situation. Even though I honestly believe that the people in our last county were so convinced that I MUST be the problem that they continuously made excuses to not focus on difficult child so it did nothing but enable him to get worse, most will not have extended families calling up half the people in the county to get things to that point to begin with. ((HUGS)) I know it's tough and you have a ton on your plate already. [/QUOTE]
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