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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 637266" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Have you and your husband had an honest and open and blunt discussion of her finances? If she cannot handle the dog, is it fair to the DOG? If you cannot afford to live, how can you keep up with the cost of caring for a dog? Dogs are not cheap. Can she cover the vet care, monthly flea, tick and heartworm medications, checkups, etc...? Can she walk the dog? Is there someone who is able to care for the dog?</p><p></p><p>This isn't a wise decision. It just isn't. Sometimes we have to do unfun and unpopular things for our elderly parents because they are not capable of making sound decisions. Living in a home where everything is covered in dog urine is unsanitary and unsafe. Period. In MANY states, the family could be in trouble for allowing an elderly person who needs care to live in a home that is unsanitary, and a place covered in dog urine is unsanitary. </p><p></p><p>She needs to know her income and expenses and to know that she can make sound decisions or someone can take over if she refuses or is unable to do so. </p><p></p><p>What is the sister in law's role in the chair? Why isn't sister in law urging her to look around? The person dealing iwth finances needs to set up guidelines for when to go ahead and when approval is needed. I would say that for any item over $50 or any medical item, you should be consulted. period. Of course you need to be available AND be able to say no and deal iwth the backlash. Otherwise your husband needs to take this over, or another of her children should if they will vilify you or husband for doing this. </p><p></p><p>It isn't reasonable to expect you to keep her money straight if she is making decisions like this. You and/or husband need to set boundaries as you are clearly supporting her. </p><p></p><p>This chair is likely considered durable medical equipment and may be covered, but usually that has to be checked before purchase. I would still check, and I might push her to return the chair. Esp if by returning it, you can get the doctor to rx one and then insurance and/or medicare will pay for part or all of it. </p><p></p><p>Just because sister in law worked in home health does not mean she has a clue about what ins covers. I know that my Gma's home health nurse had zero clue what my Gma's insurance covered. Why would she know my gma's or any patient's finances? </p><p></p><p>I know that the dog may be a comfort, but that doesn't mean keeping it is the right thing for her or the dog. If the dog is allowed to urinate everywhere, and training can't or doesn't stop it, and the vet has no way to help (if this is new it could be a medical issue), then the dog needs to be rehomed because it is unsafe for your mother in law to live in unsanitary conditions. And given the help she needs, and that she is making unsafe decisions, your husband and any siblings NEED to step in and make sure she is in a sanitary situation and a safe situation or else they could end up in trouble for neglecting her. Lots of that depends on your state, of course. </p><p></p><p>If you need help with her, or with getting the family to realize that she truly needs help even if she doesn't want it, appreciate it, or like it, call social services for help. DHS will provide certain things for the elderly and helping you figure out all that is part of what they do.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 637266, member: 1233"] Have you and your husband had an honest and open and blunt discussion of her finances? If she cannot handle the dog, is it fair to the DOG? If you cannot afford to live, how can you keep up with the cost of caring for a dog? Dogs are not cheap. Can she cover the vet care, monthly flea, tick and heartworm medications, checkups, etc...? Can she walk the dog? Is there someone who is able to care for the dog? This isn't a wise decision. It just isn't. Sometimes we have to do unfun and unpopular things for our elderly parents because they are not capable of making sound decisions. Living in a home where everything is covered in dog urine is unsanitary and unsafe. Period. In MANY states, the family could be in trouble for allowing an elderly person who needs care to live in a home that is unsanitary, and a place covered in dog urine is unsanitary. She needs to know her income and expenses and to know that she can make sound decisions or someone can take over if she refuses or is unable to do so. What is the sister in law's role in the chair? Why isn't sister in law urging her to look around? The person dealing iwth finances needs to set up guidelines for when to go ahead and when approval is needed. I would say that for any item over $50 or any medical item, you should be consulted. period. Of course you need to be available AND be able to say no and deal iwth the backlash. Otherwise your husband needs to take this over, or another of her children should if they will vilify you or husband for doing this. It isn't reasonable to expect you to keep her money straight if she is making decisions like this. You and/or husband need to set boundaries as you are clearly supporting her. This chair is likely considered durable medical equipment and may be covered, but usually that has to be checked before purchase. I would still check, and I might push her to return the chair. Esp if by returning it, you can get the doctor to rx one and then insurance and/or medicare will pay for part or all of it. Just because sister in law worked in home health does not mean she has a clue about what ins covers. I know that my Gma's home health nurse had zero clue what my Gma's insurance covered. Why would she know my gma's or any patient's finances? I know that the dog may be a comfort, but that doesn't mean keeping it is the right thing for her or the dog. If the dog is allowed to urinate everywhere, and training can't or doesn't stop it, and the vet has no way to help (if this is new it could be a medical issue), then the dog needs to be rehomed because it is unsafe for your mother in law to live in unsanitary conditions. And given the help she needs, and that she is making unsafe decisions, your husband and any siblings NEED to step in and make sure she is in a sanitary situation and a safe situation or else they could end up in trouble for neglecting her. Lots of that depends on your state, of course. If you need help with her, or with getting the family to realize that she truly needs help even if she doesn't want it, appreciate it, or like it, call social services for help. DHS will provide certain things for the elderly and helping you figure out all that is part of what they do. [/QUOTE]
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