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Parent Emeritus
Musing Aloud: Can a truce be called? Can you reach out to your child with-in your difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 473492"><p>Ok so thinking more about this... I think making the curfew not a curfew but more a the house is locked by such and such a time so you need to be home by then or stay elsewhere is a compromise.... fo course the problem with that is you will worry so a you can stay elsewhere but you need to let us know.... works as long as he will let you know. What do you do if he is on his way home and is going to be 10 min late, 20 min? and hour? </p><p></p><p>I think what is important given that he is now an "adult" is that it be about consideration, what you are willing to do, etc. and not about your policing or controlling his behavior. I agree with the no drugs in my house rule but i know we rarely found drugs in our house even when we knew my son was smoking a lot of pot. He mostly did it elsewhere, or hid it well or did legal OTC stuff. We went the drug testing route and the problem there is there are ways to fake out the test so you can get conned. So a "you will not use" if you live here can be pretty hard to detect and enforce.</p><p></p><p>However if they are using a lot then their behavior definitely gets worse and that in and of itself becomes a problem. So my suggestion is to stick to things that relate to his behavior... respectful, coming home on time or calling, doing well in school etc. If those go downhill then out he goes.</p><p></p><p>Reality is there are some kids who smoke a little pot here and there and do just fine in school and in the world. If my kid was one of those I don't think I would have too much problem with that. (Janet I am also a child of the 60s and 70s). So i would make it less about policing his drug use and more about his behavior. Behavior is easier to gage and then you are not stuck with trying to figure out if he is lying to you or not.</p><p></p><p>You are very much on the right track.</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 473492"] Ok so thinking more about this... I think making the curfew not a curfew but more a the house is locked by such and such a time so you need to be home by then or stay elsewhere is a compromise.... fo course the problem with that is you will worry so a you can stay elsewhere but you need to let us know.... works as long as he will let you know. What do you do if he is on his way home and is going to be 10 min late, 20 min? and hour? I think what is important given that he is now an "adult" is that it be about consideration, what you are willing to do, etc. and not about your policing or controlling his behavior. I agree with the no drugs in my house rule but i know we rarely found drugs in our house even when we knew my son was smoking a lot of pot. He mostly did it elsewhere, or hid it well or did legal OTC stuff. We went the drug testing route and the problem there is there are ways to fake out the test so you can get conned. So a "you will not use" if you live here can be pretty hard to detect and enforce. However if they are using a lot then their behavior definitely gets worse and that in and of itself becomes a problem. So my suggestion is to stick to things that relate to his behavior... respectful, coming home on time or calling, doing well in school etc. If those go downhill then out he goes. Reality is there are some kids who smoke a little pot here and there and do just fine in school and in the world. If my kid was one of those I don't think I would have too much problem with that. (Janet I am also a child of the 60s and 70s). So i would make it less about policing his drug use and more about his behavior. Behavior is easier to gage and then you are not stuck with trying to figure out if he is lying to you or not. You are very much on the right track. TL [/QUOTE]
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Musing Aloud: Can a truce be called? Can you reach out to your child with-in your difficult child?
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