Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Musing Aloud: Can a truce be called? Can you reach out to your child with-in your difficult child?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 475503"><p>Thanks again Janet. Definitely it's the "not what he wanted" (for himself) that is the kicker plus his utter and willfull blindness to see that he is shooting himself in the foot. </p><p></p><p>We didn't set his educational goals or chose his major or even his field for him. We had no input into his class selection. He chose it and made an agreement of his choosing (he set the terms) to get a 3.0+ GPA and stay out of trouble and be substance free in return for 4 years of tuition, room and board and living expenses. We encouraged a state school so that there would be money left over for grad school-but he could have gone to school wherever he wanted.</p><p></p><p>He got all C's his first semester. We took a deep breath and said - "try a little harder, adjustment period blah blah blah." He was failing a 4 credit Bio Genetics class BADLY (33%) at the midterm of semester 2, but his other grades seemed OK. (B's) We said "hey no problem. Drop the Bio Gen class, pick up a 1 credit class so you remain at FT status and work hard in your other classes." He dropped Bio Gen, picked up a Lacrosse (ie gym) class and finished the semester with an A in Lacrosse but B-, a C- and a D in his academic classes. Coincidentally, he got an underage drinking ticket mid-semester 2. That's also about the time the lying started and the slovely appearance. My guess is that's the time he started usuing more heavily. By his accounts, we were expecting As and Bs in his last report card. SURPRISE! And still we took a deep breath and said - change your major, take a step back and take some core classes next year, work a little harder - YOU CAN DO THIS - let's give it another shot. And then he was an arsehole all summer long and a big fat liar. And we still were going to give him a third chance. Until the major drug paraphenalia purchase. At which point we asked him to stay home, get his act together and go to school locally. And in return, he decided we were his problem, said horrible things, decided we didn't want what was best for his education and moved out claiming he could do it all on his own since WE were the problem holding him back.</p><p></p><p>Classic amotivational syndrome due to marijuana (plus ?) abuse. It's crystal clear that the drug use and the lack of motivation go hand in hand. And let's face it - he didn't go back to his university town so that he could hit the books harder. He went back so he could party in his new apartment! I don't care if difficult child had chosen to be a hairdresser or a golf pro or a mechanic. Pick a path and go for it. If it doesn't work for you - pick another and go for that. But don't waste your time and your talent (and money) by being a burnout college kid. He had goals and motivation and now he has given them all away so he can have a good time. His whole personality has changed. Not in the subtle ways of a kid growing up and moving on...</p><p></p><p>I'm not one of those "my son the dr to be" kinda moms. easy child 1 plans to major in creative writing and wants to write the next great American novel without sullying his craft by lowering himself to do some commercial or industrial writing to pay the bills. I'm perfectly OK with that -though I think being a starving writer may seem a lot more noble than it really is - yet it's his life; his dream. No problem!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 475503"] Thanks again Janet. Definitely it's the "not what he wanted" (for himself) that is the kicker plus his utter and willfull blindness to see that he is shooting himself in the foot. We didn't set his educational goals or chose his major or even his field for him. We had no input into his class selection. He chose it and made an agreement of his choosing (he set the terms) to get a 3.0+ GPA and stay out of trouble and be substance free in return for 4 years of tuition, room and board and living expenses. We encouraged a state school so that there would be money left over for grad school-but he could have gone to school wherever he wanted. He got all C's his first semester. We took a deep breath and said - "try a little harder, adjustment period blah blah blah." He was failing a 4 credit Bio Genetics class BADLY (33%) at the midterm of semester 2, but his other grades seemed OK. (B's) We said "hey no problem. Drop the Bio Gen class, pick up a 1 credit class so you remain at FT status and work hard in your other classes." He dropped Bio Gen, picked up a Lacrosse (ie gym) class and finished the semester with an A in Lacrosse but B-, a C- and a D in his academic classes. Coincidentally, he got an underage drinking ticket mid-semester 2. That's also about the time the lying started and the slovely appearance. My guess is that's the time he started usuing more heavily. By his accounts, we were expecting As and Bs in his last report card. SURPRISE! And still we took a deep breath and said - change your major, take a step back and take some core classes next year, work a little harder - YOU CAN DO THIS - let's give it another shot. And then he was an arsehole all summer long and a big fat liar. And we still were going to give him a third chance. Until the major drug paraphenalia purchase. At which point we asked him to stay home, get his act together and go to school locally. And in return, he decided we were his problem, said horrible things, decided we didn't want what was best for his education and moved out claiming he could do it all on his own since WE were the problem holding him back. Classic amotivational syndrome due to marijuana (plus ?) abuse. It's crystal clear that the drug use and the lack of motivation go hand in hand. And let's face it - he didn't go back to his university town so that he could hit the books harder. He went back so he could party in his new apartment! I don't care if difficult child had chosen to be a hairdresser or a golf pro or a mechanic. Pick a path and go for it. If it doesn't work for you - pick another and go for that. But don't waste your time and your talent (and money) by being a burnout college kid. He had goals and motivation and now he has given them all away so he can have a good time. His whole personality has changed. Not in the subtle ways of a kid growing up and moving on... I'm not one of those "my son the dr to be" kinda moms. easy child 1 plans to major in creative writing and wants to write the next great American novel without sullying his craft by lowering himself to do some commercial or industrial writing to pay the bills. I'm perfectly OK with that -though I think being a starving writer may seem a lot more noble than it really is - yet it's his life; his dream. No problem! [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Musing Aloud: Can a truce be called? Can you reach out to your child with-in your difficult child?
Top