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Musing Aloud: Can a truce be called? Can you reach out to your child with-in your difficult child?
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 476301"><p>He was a good student in HS - and a varsity athlete. Not really attending a party school. He was definitely not a big fish in a small pond in HS- he was not a standout athlete or student. He was surrounded by a lot of bigger fish - and was in a really good place for a couple years in HS. Felt challenged to keep up (lots of kids in our local HS are super succeeders) and kind of challenged himself to do well and then DID do well. His junior year he actually changed his senior year schedule from a cake walk to a super scholastic (3 AP classes, 2 honors classes) schedule and then got A's & B's in them, graduating HS with honors.</p><p></p><p>He ended up clinging to a local boy "Al" who attends the same college. A boy whom he's known since age 11 - they didn't attend the same middle school but played on the local pewee fb team together. We lived a block apart and carpooled to pewee football for 3 years. Despite that and going to the same HS and playing on the same HS football team, they never became more than acquaintances until college -- and now they are room-mates and boyfriend's. Which I find telling. Al dropped off the football team his junior or senior year because he didn't want to be bound by the athletic code. At least that's what difficult child told me at the time - and he thought AL was an idiot for choosing partying over football.</p><p></p><p>difficult child was assaulted his second week at school and injured. (concussion and serious eye injury) I think hanging out with someone he knew made him feel safe. Al's always been a partier and an over-indulged, entitled youngest kid of well off parents who have long checked out at this point. And my difficult child has decided to emulate him in every possible way. Only difference is that we won't bankroll him. I know it's not Al's fault that my kid is emulating him. And I am not unsympathetic to the after effects (both emotional and physical) of difficult child's assault, but it's also not a scapegoat or excuse for his behavior either.</p><p></p><p>Now, difficult child's girlfriend of 3 years is now living and attending school there as well. I think they are pretty much living together- which is fine. My kid's common sense - always a strong suit - is completely gone. Al's a prolific tweeter - and posts constant stupid comments about his weed use, hangovers, sexual desires, etc. and I can't believe my son is willingly cohabiting with such a disgusting loser. </p><p></p><p>As for my son - this may be his new normal - but there is nothing normal about his self centered behavior and this is not separation anxiety on my behalf. And I won't give him points for not losing his temper. </p><p></p><p>I mean - I am glad he came for a visit - and I am glad it went well. But he doesn't get to use our house as his doormat in the long term.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 476301"] He was a good student in HS - and a varsity athlete. Not really attending a party school. He was definitely not a big fish in a small pond in HS- he was not a standout athlete or student. He was surrounded by a lot of bigger fish - and was in a really good place for a couple years in HS. Felt challenged to keep up (lots of kids in our local HS are super succeeders) and kind of challenged himself to do well and then DID do well. His junior year he actually changed his senior year schedule from a cake walk to a super scholastic (3 AP classes, 2 honors classes) schedule and then got A's & B's in them, graduating HS with honors. He ended up clinging to a local boy "Al" who attends the same college. A boy whom he's known since age 11 - they didn't attend the same middle school but played on the local pewee fb team together. We lived a block apart and carpooled to pewee football for 3 years. Despite that and going to the same HS and playing on the same HS football team, they never became more than acquaintances until college -- and now they are room-mates and boyfriend's. Which I find telling. Al dropped off the football team his junior or senior year because he didn't want to be bound by the athletic code. At least that's what difficult child told me at the time - and he thought AL was an idiot for choosing partying over football. difficult child was assaulted his second week at school and injured. (concussion and serious eye injury) I think hanging out with someone he knew made him feel safe. Al's always been a partier and an over-indulged, entitled youngest kid of well off parents who have long checked out at this point. And my difficult child has decided to emulate him in every possible way. Only difference is that we won't bankroll him. I know it's not Al's fault that my kid is emulating him. And I am not unsympathetic to the after effects (both emotional and physical) of difficult child's assault, but it's also not a scapegoat or excuse for his behavior either. Now, difficult child's girlfriend of 3 years is now living and attending school there as well. I think they are pretty much living together- which is fine. My kid's common sense - always a strong suit - is completely gone. Al's a prolific tweeter - and posts constant stupid comments about his weed use, hangovers, sexual desires, etc. and I can't believe my son is willingly cohabiting with such a disgusting loser. As for my son - this may be his new normal - but there is nothing normal about his self centered behavior and this is not separation anxiety on my behalf. And I won't give him points for not losing his temper. I mean - I am glad he came for a visit - and I am glad it went well. But he doesn't get to use our house as his doormat in the long term. [/QUOTE]
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