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MWM - How are you doing?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 308648" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Oh, how sweet of you to ask.</p><p></p><p>I'm doing a little better. I told my son that for Thanksgiving, we were going to hang at where the cooking was. This may sound silly or premature or obvious, but my son was DEMANDING (not in a mean way, but still demanding) that I tell him NOW what our plans were for Thanksgiving. After all, wifey needs to know so they could coordinate with HER side of the family (who she sees every single day). And son wants me to stay an extra night so I can spend the day at his house and see my grandson. And he makes a good point when he says that if I don't take him up on it, I shouldn't complain about not having a relationship with George. </p><p></p><p>The problem is, he doesn't like to take George to my daughter's house because he says there are shootings around there. This is a huge stretch. She lives in Carpentersville IL near Algonquin and anyone who knows that area realizes there are a few rough spots, but hardly nightly shootings and killings. It's safe. I'd live there myself. So he wants my daughter, who does all the cooking, to cook at his father's house rather than her own and for all of us to gather there.</p><p></p><p>How can he tell my daughter, who is going to school for pastry arts and cooks very elaborately, not to cook in her own kitchen if that's what she wants to do??? And if she cooks there, hub, the kids and I are going to eat at her house even if son is "afraid" to bring his son there. That got him angry. I guess he wants me to pressure daughter to cook at her dad's house. Maybe she will, then we'll go there. Problem #2:</p><p></p><p>If we stay for two days in Illinois, that's an extra night to board our three dogs. We are running of fumes for money and I don't know that we can afford a second night. The first night will be hard. So I told him we can't tell him at this time if we can stay that long. Also, this is probably on me, but as much as I'd love to have a relationship with George, I doubt it will be much fun to hang out at son's house with daughter in law around. She hates me and micromanages George's life and certainly won't allow me to take him to the park alone or out of McDonalds without her or even in my car because we have a good but used car seat and she doesn't approve of used things.</p><p></p><p>I came very close to hospitalization. My therapist WANTED me to sign myself in. I'm still not out of the woods. I don't believe that I can handle being with daughter in law for a day, even to see my grandson. I have accepted that, sad as it makes me feel, I probably won't have a close relationship with this particular grandchild. I can't risk my mental health even for that. I still have two minor children to raise, a husband to think about, and a life to live.</p><p></p><p>Anyone who thinks I'm not handling this right, please let me know. Be frank. You have all helped me before. I have right now put a distance between myself and this entire situation. Son can be very demanding. He told me: "Oh no no no, you're not going to pull that hard line on me..." He was talking about the days we planned on coming in and where we planned on staying when we got there.</p><p></p><p>My therapist calls him empathy-challenged. He has never had much empathy. I remember when he was about George's age or a little older. We were at a park and he was on the monkey bars. A little girl climbed under him and he looked down at her, smiled, and deliberately stomped on her hand. The little girl's mother grabbed her daughter and started screaming at me and I was too horrified and heartsick to do anything but apologize to her quietly.</p><p></p><p>Kids got hurt a lot around my son until I took him to therapy and then it got better. But he never did develop much empathy. He is very arrogant, loud, and certain he is always right. I'm worn out thinking about it. I almost forgot how he can be because I haven't dealt with him on that level for so long.</p><p></p><p>But since I'm in Wisconsin and he's in Illinois, I'm able to rest and heal and do a bit better. Thank you again for asking. All opinions welcome.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 308648, member: 1550"] Oh, how sweet of you to ask. I'm doing a little better. I told my son that for Thanksgiving, we were going to hang at where the cooking was. This may sound silly or premature or obvious, but my son was DEMANDING (not in a mean way, but still demanding) that I tell him NOW what our plans were for Thanksgiving. After all, wifey needs to know so they could coordinate with HER side of the family (who she sees every single day). And son wants me to stay an extra night so I can spend the day at his house and see my grandson. And he makes a good point when he says that if I don't take him up on it, I shouldn't complain about not having a relationship with George. The problem is, he doesn't like to take George to my daughter's house because he says there are shootings around there. This is a huge stretch. She lives in Carpentersville IL near Algonquin and anyone who knows that area realizes there are a few rough spots, but hardly nightly shootings and killings. It's safe. I'd live there myself. So he wants my daughter, who does all the cooking, to cook at his father's house rather than her own and for all of us to gather there. How can he tell my daughter, who is going to school for pastry arts and cooks very elaborately, not to cook in her own kitchen if that's what she wants to do??? And if she cooks there, hub, the kids and I are going to eat at her house even if son is "afraid" to bring his son there. That got him angry. I guess he wants me to pressure daughter to cook at her dad's house. Maybe she will, then we'll go there. Problem #2: If we stay for two days in Illinois, that's an extra night to board our three dogs. We are running of fumes for money and I don't know that we can afford a second night. The first night will be hard. So I told him we can't tell him at this time if we can stay that long. Also, this is probably on me, but as much as I'd love to have a relationship with George, I doubt it will be much fun to hang out at son's house with daughter in law around. She hates me and micromanages George's life and certainly won't allow me to take him to the park alone or out of McDonalds without her or even in my car because we have a good but used car seat and she doesn't approve of used things. I came very close to hospitalization. My therapist WANTED me to sign myself in. I'm still not out of the woods. I don't believe that I can handle being with daughter in law for a day, even to see my grandson. I have accepted that, sad as it makes me feel, I probably won't have a close relationship with this particular grandchild. I can't risk my mental health even for that. I still have two minor children to raise, a husband to think about, and a life to live. Anyone who thinks I'm not handling this right, please let me know. Be frank. You have all helped me before. I have right now put a distance between myself and this entire situation. Son can be very demanding. He told me: "Oh no no no, you're not going to pull that hard line on me..." He was talking about the days we planned on coming in and where we planned on staying when we got there. My therapist calls him empathy-challenged. He has never had much empathy. I remember when he was about George's age or a little older. We were at a park and he was on the monkey bars. A little girl climbed under him and he looked down at her, smiled, and deliberately stomped on her hand. The little girl's mother grabbed her daughter and started screaming at me and I was too horrified and heartsick to do anything but apologize to her quietly. Kids got hurt a lot around my son until I took him to therapy and then it got better. But he never did develop much empathy. He is very arrogant, loud, and certain he is always right. I'm worn out thinking about it. I almost forgot how he can be because I haven't dealt with him on that level for so long. But since I'm in Wisconsin and he's in Illinois, I'm able to rest and heal and do a bit better. Thank you again for asking. All opinions welcome. [/QUOTE]
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