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My 19 year old son is choosing to be homeless
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 748607" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi</p><p></p><p>If you are using your real name, I would change it (you can send a PM to Runawaybunny the site admin through the inbox, top right.)</p><p></p><p>First I will explain the bare bones of our story.</p><p></p><p>There are similarities to our stories. My son who is now 30 has been pretty much homeless or couchsurfing since I kicked him out when he was 23. He has been back and forth here either liviing with me, or in another home I own.</p><p></p><p>I pushed him to seek psychological help and to help himself in every way I could think of. He would not seek help. He worked over a year when he was 22-23, and then quit that job when he got depressed. When he would not help himself, I felt compelled to make him leave if he wouldn't help himself.</p><p></p><p>He eventually got himself on SSI/SSDI which is federal monies for disabled people. That is how he gets by financially.</p><p></p><p>I have tried every single thing I could think of over and over again for 10 years. While my son is better in someways, he is not a functional person, which causes me a great deal of pain and worry.</p><p></p><p>The thing is, these adults are that, adults. They have free will. They are self-determining. They are responsible. Whether or not they act that way or not, they are responsible. They have to learn how to make their way. I support my son in any way that I can if he works with me. But I can't play all the roles in the play. If he shows up, it has to be in a way that is appropriate and considerate.</p><p></p><p>Your son is making choices according to what he is able to do, or wants to do. Sleeping all day is fine, if you work all night. I can't imagine a scenario when sleeping all day at your parents house is an acceptable way to live a life. If he wants to do that he will have to find a way to live that is not in your house. I don't see how a parent can tolerate that.</p><p></p><p>If like my son, he is willing to sleep all day on public transportation or in libraries, what in the world can we do?</p><p></p><p>I can say 5 million more times,<em> you need to get psychological help. </em>And I can tie this to something my son wants, as an incentive. Like come home to live. Or whatever. But unless my son is willing to follow through, what in the world can I do?</p><p></p><p>Years ago I looked into conservatorship. But I realized that my son did function. He just did not function in ways that I approved of. He functioned in the ways that he wanted to function. I don't know what we can do about this, except to accept it. To go to Al Anon and try to change. To fill our own lives with meaning and with things that center and fulfill us.</p><p></p><p>At the end of the day, our son's lives are their own, as ours are ours to live.</p><p></p><p>I know how hard this is. I am sorry.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 748607, member: 18958"] Hi If you are using your real name, I would change it (you can send a PM to Runawaybunny the site admin through the inbox, top right.) First I will explain the bare bones of our story. There are similarities to our stories. My son who is now 30 has been pretty much homeless or couchsurfing since I kicked him out when he was 23. He has been back and forth here either liviing with me, or in another home I own. I pushed him to seek psychological help and to help himself in every way I could think of. He would not seek help. He worked over a year when he was 22-23, and then quit that job when he got depressed. When he would not help himself, I felt compelled to make him leave if he wouldn't help himself. He eventually got himself on SSI/SSDI which is federal monies for disabled people. That is how he gets by financially. I have tried every single thing I could think of over and over again for 10 years. While my son is better in someways, he is not a functional person, which causes me a great deal of pain and worry. The thing is, these adults are that, adults. They have free will. They are self-determining. They are responsible. Whether or not they act that way or not, they are responsible. They have to learn how to make their way. I support my son in any way that I can if he works with me. But I can't play all the roles in the play. If he shows up, it has to be in a way that is appropriate and considerate. Your son is making choices according to what he is able to do, or wants to do. Sleeping all day is fine, if you work all night. I can't imagine a scenario when sleeping all day at your parents house is an acceptable way to live a life. If he wants to do that he will have to find a way to live that is not in your house. I don't see how a parent can tolerate that. If like my son, he is willing to sleep all day on public transportation or in libraries, what in the world can we do? I can say 5 million more times,[I] you need to get psychological help. [/I]And I can tie this to something my son wants, as an incentive. Like come home to live. Or whatever. But unless my son is willing to follow through, what in the world can I do? Years ago I looked into conservatorship. But I realized that my son did function. He just did not function in ways that I approved of. He functioned in the ways that he wanted to function. I don't know what we can do about this, except to accept it. To go to Al Anon and try to change. To fill our own lives with meaning and with things that center and fulfill us. At the end of the day, our son's lives are their own, as ours are ours to live. I know how hard this is. I am sorry. [/QUOTE]
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My 19 year old son is choosing to be homeless
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