Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My 25 year old daughter wants space
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Tanya M" data-source="post: 736589" data-attributes="member: 18516"><p>Steph, Thanks for sharing more information and let me just say, you found the right forum.</p><p></p><p>There are some terms that you may unfamiliar with that we use here. Difficult adult child and gas lighting are two that come to mind right away.</p><p></p><p>From everything you shared I think it's fair to say that your daughter is a difficult adult child. All this really means is that the individual is not accepting responsibility for choices they have made. There are many degrees of difficult adult children from arguing with their parent to using drugs to being in jail.</p><p>What all of us here have in common is the love we have for a difficult adult child.</p><p></p><p>Any advice or support you get here, take what will work for you and leave the rest. You may hear some things that are not easy to hear but please have an open mind.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I am going to tell right now that you did not push too hard. Your daughter owes you money plain and simple. She is 25 years old and should accept responsibility for what she owes you. Her behavior is classic of a difficult adult child in that she would prefer to avoid it at all costs but when pushed, she will break down in tears and leave. I can almost guarantee she would have behaved the same way whether in a public setting or your living room.</p><p></p><p></p><p>I have learned to never apologize for trying to resolve a serious issue. Again, she owes you money. If she had a car payment that she was behind on, I guarantee they would come after her and not be nice about it. Just because she is your daughter does not mean you should walk on egg shells.</p><p></p><p></p><p>Yes, the student loan is not inappropriate and you have every right to ask for payment.</p><p>I am going to caution you here, STOP apologizing to her. When you apologize you are sending the message that you did something wrong. You have done nothing wrong or out of line.</p><p></p><p></p><p>What she is doing here is called gas lighting. She is transferring blame to you. She is trying to convince you that you are at fault. Do not buy into this!!</p><p></p><p>Your daughter has made choices that have consequences and she is not owning up to them. </p><p></p><p>You are not alone in this. There are many, many parents that are going through the same thing you are. </p><p></p><p>I'm sure you are wondering where you went wrong, after all, you have a son that has launched successfully. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes our kids just do what they do. </p><p>Bottom line, your daughter is 25 and owes you money. She is an adult that should be treating you with respect.</p><p></p><p>My suggestion for you is to set clear boundaries as to what you will and won't tolerate from her. Also, do not let your daughter manipulate you. Remember, you are the parent. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes the dreams and hopes we have had for our children just don't turn out the way we want them to. That's okay. </p><p></p><p>There is a good article on detachment at the top of this forum. Here is a link to it.</p><p><a href="https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/" target="_blank">https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/</a></p><p></p><p>((HUGS))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tanya M, post: 736589, member: 18516"] Steph, Thanks for sharing more information and let me just say, you found the right forum. There are some terms that you may unfamiliar with that we use here. Difficult adult child and gas lighting are two that come to mind right away. From everything you shared I think it's fair to say that your daughter is a difficult adult child. All this really means is that the individual is not accepting responsibility for choices they have made. There are many degrees of difficult adult children from arguing with their parent to using drugs to being in jail. What all of us here have in common is the love we have for a difficult adult child. Any advice or support you get here, take what will work for you and leave the rest. You may hear some things that are not easy to hear but please have an open mind. I am going to tell right now that you did not push too hard. Your daughter owes you money plain and simple. She is 25 years old and should accept responsibility for what she owes you. Her behavior is classic of a difficult adult child in that she would prefer to avoid it at all costs but when pushed, she will break down in tears and leave. I can almost guarantee she would have behaved the same way whether in a public setting or your living room. I have learned to never apologize for trying to resolve a serious issue. Again, she owes you money. If she had a car payment that she was behind on, I guarantee they would come after her and not be nice about it. Just because she is your daughter does not mean you should walk on egg shells. Yes, the student loan is not inappropriate and you have every right to ask for payment. I am going to caution you here, STOP apologizing to her. When you apologize you are sending the message that you did something wrong. You have done nothing wrong or out of line. What she is doing here is called gas lighting. She is transferring blame to you. She is trying to convince you that you are at fault. Do not buy into this!! Your daughter has made choices that have consequences and she is not owning up to them. You are not alone in this. There are many, many parents that are going through the same thing you are. I'm sure you are wondering where you went wrong, after all, you have a son that has launched successfully. You did nothing wrong. Sometimes our kids just do what they do. Bottom line, your daughter is 25 and owes you money. She is an adult that should be treating you with respect. My suggestion for you is to set clear boundaries as to what you will and won't tolerate from her. Also, do not let your daughter manipulate you. Remember, you are the parent. Sometimes the dreams and hopes we have had for our children just don't turn out the way we want them to. That's okay. There is a good article on detachment at the top of this forum. Here is a link to it. [URL]https://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/[/URL] ((HUGS)) [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My 25 year old daughter wants space
Top