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My 25 year old daughter wants space
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 736593" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome.</p><p></p><p>I agree with everything Tanya writes.</p><p></p><p>You are human. This implies imperfect. No apologies for your humanity.</p><p></p><p>She is choosing. She is responsible. To hold her responsible is your job as a parent.</p><p></p><p>What she chooses is not your fault.</p><p></p><p>We cannot control what they do. We deceive ourselves that something we say (or do) will be the magic words. That make them choose to act right.</p><p></p><p>They use this to manipulate us. They learn magic words that work to amp up our guilt, to make us feel responsible, or conversely, to lull us to believe that everything will be okay.</p><p></p><p>The only truly magic words are these: what they do (or not) will either help or hinder them. End of story.</p><p></p><p>Not one piece of this is your fault or responsibility. </p><p></p><p>She needs to come up with a plan to repay those loans. What she did was wrong. She knew she was not fulfilling her obligations. She allowed you to continue to take on more debt, while she deceived you and herself.</p><p></p><p>Get mad!</p><p></p><p>All of us have been in this spot. Not just you.</p><p></p><p>I am in a similar spot right now. It is hard not to wallow in grief, fear and guilt.</p><p></p><p>It is far better for me and my son that I act from strength and resolve and hope. I do this by setting and keeping firm boundaries, letting my son live the consequences of his acts and acting in my own interest.</p><p></p><p>I hope you stay with us for awhile. Posting helps.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 736593, member: 18958"] Welcome. I agree with everything Tanya writes. You are human. This implies imperfect. No apologies for your humanity. She is choosing. She is responsible. To hold her responsible is your job as a parent. What she chooses is not your fault. We cannot control what they do. We deceive ourselves that something we say (or do) will be the magic words. That make them choose to act right. They use this to manipulate us. They learn magic words that work to amp up our guilt, to make us feel responsible, or conversely, to lull us to believe that everything will be okay. The only truly magic words are these: what they do (or not) will either help or hinder them. End of story. Not one piece of this is your fault or responsibility. She needs to come up with a plan to repay those loans. What she did was wrong. She knew she was not fulfilling her obligations. She allowed you to continue to take on more debt, while she deceived you and herself. Get mad! All of us have been in this spot. Not just you. I am in a similar spot right now. It is hard not to wallow in grief, fear and guilt. It is far better for me and my son that I act from strength and resolve and hope. I do this by setting and keeping firm boundaries, letting my son live the consequences of his acts and acting in my own interest. I hope you stay with us for awhile. Posting helps. [/QUOTE]
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My 25 year old daughter wants space
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