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My 25 year old daughter wants space
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 736612" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>We give them roots to grow and wings to fly.</p><p></p><p>Let her go, decision wise, but hold her fast to her commitments to you and act strong when you talk about what she owes you. Dont apologize. Dont ever apologize for things you did now or when she was five or when she is trying to get out of a commitment.</p><p></p><p>25 doesnt need Mommy. I have four kids from 40 to 22. I am a Mother now, not a Mommy. I am a friend (if you are nice to me and my kids are), I am a cheerleader as they chose their own GOOD paths, I am somebody the kids will confide in and I am a rock when i need to be.</p><p></p><p>I am not a mommy. I dont fix boo boos. I cant. I am not a bank. I dont give out money unless hubby and I chose to do so. We give none if they ask for money and they dont ask. It is only at our descretion, when we can and want to. As a Mother, not a Mommy, I can not force my adult kids to spend time with me and I dont push it. When they come, it is their idea. I am lucky that way expecially with youngest. She comes a lot but I hear from all a lot. </p><p></p><p>We dont loan money to family or friends. If we do money, it is a gift. Loans cause too much grief. That doesnt mean I think you were wrong and should let daughter off the hook. I absolutely believe she should pay you back. I just feel that maybe you should not do loans anymore.</p><p></p><p>Does your daughter at least work?</p><p></p><p>One thing we cant do is either be perfect for our kids or make up for everything we felt we did wrong. And as mature men and women, they know we are not perfect because nobody is. But some of our adults are plain manipulative and even nasty. Dont buy what they sell. They are not little anymore. You are not Mommy anymore. You deserve respect. You have the right to tell them that you will end any conversation with your daughter that is not respectful. I did this with my oldest then acted on it. This worked!!</p><p></p><p>I also believe yourv adult daughter is difficult. It is not your fault nor should you grovel to make her like you. It doesnt work. It demeans us. Never grovel to anybody. They will never respect you if you do. Worse, you wont respect yourself.</p><p></p><p>Stand strong and dont try to parent a 25 year old. Be a Mother, not a Mommy. Let her grow up. Insist that she pay though.</p><p></p><p>I know....its hard.</p><p></p><p>Light and love!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 736612, member: 1550"] We give them roots to grow and wings to fly. Let her go, decision wise, but hold her fast to her commitments to you and act strong when you talk about what she owes you. Dont apologize. Dont ever apologize for things you did now or when she was five or when she is trying to get out of a commitment. 25 doesnt need Mommy. I have four kids from 40 to 22. I am a Mother now, not a Mommy. I am a friend (if you are nice to me and my kids are), I am a cheerleader as they chose their own GOOD paths, I am somebody the kids will confide in and I am a rock when i need to be. I am not a mommy. I dont fix boo boos. I cant. I am not a bank. I dont give out money unless hubby and I chose to do so. We give none if they ask for money and they dont ask. It is only at our descretion, when we can and want to. As a Mother, not a Mommy, I can not force my adult kids to spend time with me and I dont push it. When they come, it is their idea. I am lucky that way expecially with youngest. She comes a lot but I hear from all a lot. We dont loan money to family or friends. If we do money, it is a gift. Loans cause too much grief. That doesnt mean I think you were wrong and should let daughter off the hook. I absolutely believe she should pay you back. I just feel that maybe you should not do loans anymore. Does your daughter at least work? One thing we cant do is either be perfect for our kids or make up for everything we felt we did wrong. And as mature men and women, they know we are not perfect because nobody is. But some of our adults are plain manipulative and even nasty. Dont buy what they sell. They are not little anymore. You are not Mommy anymore. You deserve respect. You have the right to tell them that you will end any conversation with your daughter that is not respectful. I did this with my oldest then acted on it. This worked!! I also believe yourv adult daughter is difficult. It is not your fault nor should you grovel to make her like you. It doesnt work. It demeans us. Never grovel to anybody. They will never respect you if you do. Worse, you wont respect yourself. Stand strong and dont try to parent a 25 year old. Be a Mother, not a Mommy. Let her grow up. Insist that she pay though. I know....its hard. Light and love!! [/QUOTE]
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My 25 year old daughter wants space
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