Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My 31 year old son feels entitled and expects to be taken care of
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 570004" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Oh, he could have a personality disorder or other problem, but it isn't YOUR problem. As for you being a bad mom because you won't take care of him? He is supposed to take care of you in your old age. If you ask him what old is, he will problem give an age close to yours, so why isn't he paying all your bills and taking care of you? Doesn't he owe you that? After all, you carried him inside your body for ten months (sorry, but a month has 4 weeks and a pregnancy is 40 weeks, so it is 10 and not 9, unless you are short in which case it is actually more like 12 because there is so much less of you to carry him, lol) and then you changed his diapers and wiped his tushie and snotty nose and bathed him and cared for him and did all those other mom things. Now is the time when he is supposed to care for you, not the other way around.</p><p></p><p>The greatest gift you can give your son at this point is his independence. Let him know he is free to think what he wants, but you have done more than enough and you are not going to ever do more for him. He needs to grow up and be a man, not a whiny baby. When he is miserable enough he will find some way to cope. You owe him nothing and the less you do for him and the less you give him, the more he will have the gift of self sufficiency and independence. </p><p></p><p>Ignore his guilt trips, lay your own on him about him not taking care of you. Not that you truly expect him to take care of you, but to give him a different perspective. </p><p></p><p>You may actually need to sever contact with him until he matures and chooses to lead a more responsible life. If all he does is abuse you verbally because he doesn't want to work and support himself, then I would limit contact with him. You know you are a good mom - you have other children who are responsible members of society and you have a good relationship with them. So it is NOT your parenting, it is something within your son. Pretty much all you can do is get whatever therapy and support you can to help deal with the pain of having a child who is determined to not be an adult, go to alanon/narcanon if sub abuse is an issue in your extended family, and live a happy, healthy life which includes not enabling him or allowing him to abuse you.</p><p></p><p>If at some point he chooses to make better decisions and get help for whatever issues are behind his refusal to grow up, you may want to help with therapy or medications or whatever. But you need to wait until he comes to the decision that something has to change and he takes the first steps to making those changes. Offers of therapy, rehab or whatever will only result in him working to con you into giving him money to support his current lifestyle, and that won't be good for either of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 570004, member: 1233"] Oh, he could have a personality disorder or other problem, but it isn't YOUR problem. As for you being a bad mom because you won't take care of him? He is supposed to take care of you in your old age. If you ask him what old is, he will problem give an age close to yours, so why isn't he paying all your bills and taking care of you? Doesn't he owe you that? After all, you carried him inside your body for ten months (sorry, but a month has 4 weeks and a pregnancy is 40 weeks, so it is 10 and not 9, unless you are short in which case it is actually more like 12 because there is so much less of you to carry him, lol) and then you changed his diapers and wiped his tushie and snotty nose and bathed him and cared for him and did all those other mom things. Now is the time when he is supposed to care for you, not the other way around. The greatest gift you can give your son at this point is his independence. Let him know he is free to think what he wants, but you have done more than enough and you are not going to ever do more for him. He needs to grow up and be a man, not a whiny baby. When he is miserable enough he will find some way to cope. You owe him nothing and the less you do for him and the less you give him, the more he will have the gift of self sufficiency and independence. Ignore his guilt trips, lay your own on him about him not taking care of you. Not that you truly expect him to take care of you, but to give him a different perspective. You may actually need to sever contact with him until he matures and chooses to lead a more responsible life. If all he does is abuse you verbally because he doesn't want to work and support himself, then I would limit contact with him. You know you are a good mom - you have other children who are responsible members of society and you have a good relationship with them. So it is NOT your parenting, it is something within your son. Pretty much all you can do is get whatever therapy and support you can to help deal with the pain of having a child who is determined to not be an adult, go to alanon/narcanon if sub abuse is an issue in your extended family, and live a happy, healthy life which includes not enabling him or allowing him to abuse you. If at some point he chooses to make better decisions and get help for whatever issues are behind his refusal to grow up, you may want to help with therapy or medications or whatever. But you need to wait until he comes to the decision that something has to change and he takes the first steps to making those changes. Offers of therapy, rehab or whatever will only result in him working to con you into giving him money to support his current lifestyle, and that won't be good for either of you. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
My 31 year old son feels entitled and expects to be taken care of
Top