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My 31 year old son feels entitled and expects to be taken care of
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 570034" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I can never top Susiestar. Nobody says it as well as her. I'm thinking that this young man has GOT to be using drugs. Is that part of the picture here? If not, there is something terribly wrong with him, BUT THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. He is 31 and old enough to get help. If he has no money, there are county mental health facilities. I use one and love my therapist. If he has drug or alcohol issues there is AA or NA or other alternative free groups that help get you going the right way. There is NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) which he can call to see where else he can get help. He needs to do it himself though. You can't and shouldn't.</p><p></p><p>I have struggled with mental health issues all my life and I didn't have a nice mom like you to blame or abuse or to take me in. I *had* to do it all myself. I think I did a great job (patting myself on back...lol). I found my own resources, read selfhelp books non-stop (I still do) and made sure I never made things worse by drinking or using drugs. I am really proud of myself. Ok, enough about me. I just wanted you to know that it can be done, even without a lot of money, and that your son can do it too. But if he doesn't want to, he won't and you can't make him. Do you have other kids and a husband? If so, I recommend you focus on them. That doesn't mean to forget your son. That just means you aren't helping him or you or anyone by lamenting his poor choices. You can always guide him to helpful areas that pertain to his situations. But you can lead a horse to water, but not make him drink. </p><p></p><p>One last point. Could be that, if drugs are NOT the issue, that your son really has trouble keeping a job due to cognitive or mental health issues. There is social security disability and job rehab (they help special needs adults get jobs). If your son qualifies for disability, they will also help him get housing (Section 8). My autistic spectrum son gets this sort of help and he is thriving and becoming more and more independent every day. Every resource I listed here, I have used either for me or one of my children. I know they work. </p><p></p><p>by the way, your job as parenting him stopped when he turned 18 or 21 (depends on how you look at it). You should not be parenting a 31 year old. I have a 34 year old who often acts half his age and wants a parent too, but I can give him advice and listen to him...he is too old to parent and I know it wouldn't be good for me to take on that role at his age.</p><p></p><p>Good luck and keep us posted <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> We are here for you</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 570034, member: 1550"] I can never top Susiestar. Nobody says it as well as her. I'm thinking that this young man has GOT to be using drugs. Is that part of the picture here? If not, there is something terribly wrong with him, BUT THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO. He is 31 and old enough to get help. If he has no money, there are county mental health facilities. I use one and love my therapist. If he has drug or alcohol issues there is AA or NA or other alternative free groups that help get you going the right way. There is NAMI (National Alliance for the Mentally Ill) which he can call to see where else he can get help. He needs to do it himself though. You can't and shouldn't. I have struggled with mental health issues all my life and I didn't have a nice mom like you to blame or abuse or to take me in. I *had* to do it all myself. I think I did a great job (patting myself on back...lol). I found my own resources, read selfhelp books non-stop (I still do) and made sure I never made things worse by drinking or using drugs. I am really proud of myself. Ok, enough about me. I just wanted you to know that it can be done, even without a lot of money, and that your son can do it too. But if he doesn't want to, he won't and you can't make him. Do you have other kids and a husband? If so, I recommend you focus on them. That doesn't mean to forget your son. That just means you aren't helping him or you or anyone by lamenting his poor choices. You can always guide him to helpful areas that pertain to his situations. But you can lead a horse to water, but not make him drink. One last point. Could be that, if drugs are NOT the issue, that your son really has trouble keeping a job due to cognitive or mental health issues. There is social security disability and job rehab (they help special needs adults get jobs). If your son qualifies for disability, they will also help him get housing (Section 8). My autistic spectrum son gets this sort of help and he is thriving and becoming more and more independent every day. Every resource I listed here, I have used either for me or one of my children. I know they work. by the way, your job as parenting him stopped when he turned 18 or 21 (depends on how you look at it). You should not be parenting a 31 year old. I have a 34 year old who often acts half his age and wants a parent too, but I can give him advice and listen to him...he is too old to parent and I know it wouldn't be good for me to take on that role at his age. Good luck and keep us posted :) We are here for you [/QUOTE]
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My 31 year old son feels entitled and expects to be taken care of
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