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My 6 year old is bullying.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 391077" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>It really sounds to me like your son began bullying because he was himself bullied. Generally the first target is either the original bully, or a victim of the former bully. Two ways the child is thinking - wither retaliation; or "I am not strong enough to hit him back, but I can still push around this other kid." This second one i where true bullying can develop. I don't class retaliation as bullying, not directly. </p><p></p><p>A lot of what you describe, including your son writing, "Don't untie my shoes" sounds like retaliation. </p><p></p><p>What are the social dynamics of the families of the other kids? Brian's family - how socially proactive are they? What sort of things are they involved in? How well do you know them? Often the parents can be lovely people, but totally blind where their kids are concerned. Also, the bus situation is being monitored, but what about in class or in the playground? There could be a lot of ongoing bullying and your son feeling totally helpless.</p><p></p><p>He needs help, probably some counselling and strategies to learn resilience and how to respond more appropriately to bullying. But this will also require sensible and appropriate follow-through from the school and that is not always forthcoming.</p><p></p><p>Brian sounds like a kid determined to totally dominate and control others, one way or another. A major concern; the best defence for your son will be in his own head, with help.</p><p></p><p>easy child had a 'friend' like this when she was the same age. A girl we knew from church, we really like the parents as friends. But that girl was mean and manipulative, and her parents never worked it out. Would not listen to any problems, assumed it was our daughter making it up (who never made up anything like that about other kids, ever). And now the girls are grown up - our daughter did well at school; went to uni, got a career, is now married and planning a family. The other girl, despite being equally intelligent and with wealthier parents (who could better afford tuition, private school etc) dropped out of school, got into drugs, drifted from one job to another and is only now getting her life back on track.</p><p></p><p>What goes around comes around. Dealing with the problems now and finding a workable solution to the problem IN BROAD (and not just what is happening on the bus) should b=pay dividends in years to come. These are nasty lessons for our kids, and the sooner they overcome these problems and learn how to behave more appropriately, the faster the payoff.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 391077, member: 1991"] It really sounds to me like your son began bullying because he was himself bullied. Generally the first target is either the original bully, or a victim of the former bully. Two ways the child is thinking - wither retaliation; or "I am not strong enough to hit him back, but I can still push around this other kid." This second one i where true bullying can develop. I don't class retaliation as bullying, not directly. A lot of what you describe, including your son writing, "Don't untie my shoes" sounds like retaliation. What are the social dynamics of the families of the other kids? Brian's family - how socially proactive are they? What sort of things are they involved in? How well do you know them? Often the parents can be lovely people, but totally blind where their kids are concerned. Also, the bus situation is being monitored, but what about in class or in the playground? There could be a lot of ongoing bullying and your son feeling totally helpless. He needs help, probably some counselling and strategies to learn resilience and how to respond more appropriately to bullying. But this will also require sensible and appropriate follow-through from the school and that is not always forthcoming. Brian sounds like a kid determined to totally dominate and control others, one way or another. A major concern; the best defence for your son will be in his own head, with help. easy child had a 'friend' like this when she was the same age. A girl we knew from church, we really like the parents as friends. But that girl was mean and manipulative, and her parents never worked it out. Would not listen to any problems, assumed it was our daughter making it up (who never made up anything like that about other kids, ever). And now the girls are grown up - our daughter did well at school; went to uni, got a career, is now married and planning a family. The other girl, despite being equally intelligent and with wealthier parents (who could better afford tuition, private school etc) dropped out of school, got into drugs, drifted from one job to another and is only now getting her life back on track. What goes around comes around. Dealing with the problems now and finding a workable solution to the problem IN BROAD (and not just what is happening on the bus) should b=pay dividends in years to come. These are nasty lessons for our kids, and the sooner they overcome these problems and learn how to behave more appropriately, the faster the payoff. Marg [/QUOTE]
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