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My AA sons bigoted bus driver. Feedback.
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 85833" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>BBK said it for me.</p><p></p><p>But a few more things I want to add.</p><p></p><p>This is a two-fold problem. First, your work environment, and second, your kids' environment. These two are unrelated and both a major concern.</p><p></p><p>Your work environment - this is your choice, as to where you want to work, but you shouldn't have to put up with this. HOWEVER - I suspect she was talking with a lot of bravado and very little commonsense. You have let her know you don't like it, she is probably already waiting for the other shoe to fall. If her own kids are such a mess then my vote really IS for the bravado being her way to bluster through life.</p><p></p><p>Bus drivers often chatter to the people around them. It relieves the monotony. And I don't know what it is, but our local bus driver is also racist. And sexist. And has a son who is openly gay, at least around my kids. And he is so proud of his son who is doing so well in the acting world...</p><p></p><p>But I digress slightly. What I mean to say is, a lot of this sort of chatter is pure bravado, she will probably shut up now, at least around you.</p><p>You keep repeating, "How could she say that to me, the mother of a bi-racial child?" but as BBK put it, she probably thinks you are a do-gooder saint who already knows how wonderful and magnanimous she is for adopting such a problem and at last giving the kid a real home.</p><p></p><p>And now for your son. And the other kids (all races and mixes). None of them should hear this rubbish. White kids hearing this could use it as an excuse to be racist themselves. And black kids are also capable of being racist - this is not the exclusive domain of the "dominant race". ALL the kids need to have a balanced environment and not be exposed to this sort of bigotry.</p><p>And the black/bi-racial kids - this can really do a lot of harm, with so few words.</p><p></p><p>I was watching a TV program last night, an Aussie documentary very closely following an Aussie actress around, Rhoda Roberts, whose identical twin sister was murdered about 10 years ago. The murder has never been solved. These kids were the offspring of a white mother (unusual) and an Aboriginal father. The family (they also have a brother) grew up around Lismore, close to Nimbin which is like Australia's Woodstock, only it's still a very strong hippie commune. The family were churchgoers but the kids grew up in an atmosphere of benevolent racism, always afraid of being taken from their parents on the slightest pretext (a common outcome for mixed race kids until very recently). The Roberts kids probably didn't get taken because their mother was white (my view) but Rhoda felt it was because their mother was fastidious about keeping them clean, neat, well-dressed, well-supplied with school materials, well-shod and well-fed. As Rhoda said, "Woe betide us if any of us had nits - they'd have taken us." At her school the mixed-race kids would be made to gather and line up every so often for inspections and any kid not meeting muster would disappear. She knew of cousins who were at school one day, and gone the next with nothing said apart from grieving aunties.</p><p></p><p>And the point I really want to mention here - the things other people would say. This white mother would take her mixed kids to church and have other people come up to her and say, "You are a saint for adopting these little black kids and giving them a decent life."</p><p>And the kids heard this. What message did it send them? They grew up well cared for, but in constant fear of losing it all. Wherever they encountered racism whether official or simply a misspoken word, it reinforced their fear. It made them feel even more inferior. The girls were told, "There's no point wasting time on educating you any further, you're only going to go shack up with some bloke and get pregnant." This made both girls determined to succeed in spite of them.</p><p>But the fear is always there. Rhoda says, "I see an official, ANY official, and part of me inside goes cold and I want to tell them, 'Keep away from me and my family.'"</p><p>It was the fear that stopped them from really nagging the police to investigate when Rhoda's sister Lois went missing. They wouldn't even file the missing person's report, because they said, "She's probably just gone walkabout." The family knew, from various signs, that something must have happened. She would have put the shopping away first, not left food out for passing dogs to steal.</p><p>And when they found most of the body six months later, the autopsy showed that all the time the police had been dragging their feet over the Missing Person's Report, Lois had still been alive. She was alive for a week, being tortured. The details were not told in this documentary, apart from saying it was horrific.</p><p></p><p>What drove this? Nobody is saying it was a racist attack, it may not have been. But the fear in the family, the "she'll be right, mate," attitude of the police, perceived by the family to be because "she's only a blackfella" does nothing to assuage the fear. Or the sense of guilt at not making more of a fuss to get the police moving.</p><p></p><p>Rhoda Roberts is a trained actress, writer, experienced journalist and TV presenter on national television. She designed a lot of the Aboriginal segment at the Opening Ceremony of the Sydney Olympic Games. She's lived in Europe for years, travelled the world. But inside she is still a frightened little girl, a product of the racism that enveloped her as she was growing up, including the well-meaning comments of the women at church.</p><p></p><p>MWM, you need to protect these kids. Yes, a bus driver will chatter, and chances are the employer will simply give her a rap over the knuckles and tell hr to watch her mouth because she is such a hard worker in other ways. But C will know it was you who said something, and a rap over the knuckles does not cure long-held and deeply-run beliefs like this. </p><p></p><p>I really don't know what could be done to fix this, short of miraculously finding someone who is a hard worker and NOT racist. And how can you be sure?</p><p></p><p>The only thing I can see, is that if you DO act, and something is done, your children will see that this is wrong and action can be taken. Words that wound do not have to be accepted or tolerated.</p><p></p><p>So forget about your personal hurt, don't let that sway you, at least for now. Think about your reasons for wanting this dealt with and then make your decision.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 85833, member: 1991"] BBK said it for me. But a few more things I want to add. This is a two-fold problem. First, your work environment, and second, your kids' environment. These two are unrelated and both a major concern. Your work environment - this is your choice, as to where you want to work, but you shouldn't have to put up with this. HOWEVER - I suspect she was talking with a lot of bravado and very little commonsense. You have let her know you don't like it, she is probably already waiting for the other shoe to fall. If her own kids are such a mess then my vote really IS for the bravado being her way to bluster through life. Bus drivers often chatter to the people around them. It relieves the monotony. And I don't know what it is, but our local bus driver is also racist. And sexist. And has a son who is openly gay, at least around my kids. And he is so proud of his son who is doing so well in the acting world... But I digress slightly. What I mean to say is, a lot of this sort of chatter is pure bravado, she will probably shut up now, at least around you. You keep repeating, "How could she say that to me, the mother of a bi-racial child?" but as BBK put it, she probably thinks you are a do-gooder saint who already knows how wonderful and magnanimous she is for adopting such a problem and at last giving the kid a real home. And now for your son. And the other kids (all races and mixes). None of them should hear this rubbish. White kids hearing this could use it as an excuse to be racist themselves. And black kids are also capable of being racist - this is not the exclusive domain of the "dominant race". ALL the kids need to have a balanced environment and not be exposed to this sort of bigotry. And the black/bi-racial kids - this can really do a lot of harm, with so few words. I was watching a TV program last night, an Aussie documentary very closely following an Aussie actress around, Rhoda Roberts, whose identical twin sister was murdered about 10 years ago. The murder has never been solved. These kids were the offspring of a white mother (unusual) and an Aboriginal father. The family (they also have a brother) grew up around Lismore, close to Nimbin which is like Australia's Woodstock, only it's still a very strong hippie commune. The family were churchgoers but the kids grew up in an atmosphere of benevolent racism, always afraid of being taken from their parents on the slightest pretext (a common outcome for mixed race kids until very recently). The Roberts kids probably didn't get taken because their mother was white (my view) but Rhoda felt it was because their mother was fastidious about keeping them clean, neat, well-dressed, well-supplied with school materials, well-shod and well-fed. As Rhoda said, "Woe betide us if any of us had nits - they'd have taken us." At her school the mixed-race kids would be made to gather and line up every so often for inspections and any kid not meeting muster would disappear. She knew of cousins who were at school one day, and gone the next with nothing said apart from grieving aunties. And the point I really want to mention here - the things other people would say. This white mother would take her mixed kids to church and have other people come up to her and say, "You are a saint for adopting these little black kids and giving them a decent life." And the kids heard this. What message did it send them? They grew up well cared for, but in constant fear of losing it all. Wherever they encountered racism whether official or simply a misspoken word, it reinforced their fear. It made them feel even more inferior. The girls were told, "There's no point wasting time on educating you any further, you're only going to go shack up with some bloke and get pregnant." This made both girls determined to succeed in spite of them. But the fear is always there. Rhoda says, "I see an official, ANY official, and part of me inside goes cold and I want to tell them, 'Keep away from me and my family.'" It was the fear that stopped them from really nagging the police to investigate when Rhoda's sister Lois went missing. They wouldn't even file the missing person's report, because they said, "She's probably just gone walkabout." The family knew, from various signs, that something must have happened. She would have put the shopping away first, not left food out for passing dogs to steal. And when they found most of the body six months later, the autopsy showed that all the time the police had been dragging their feet over the Missing Person's Report, Lois had still been alive. She was alive for a week, being tortured. The details were not told in this documentary, apart from saying it was horrific. What drove this? Nobody is saying it was a racist attack, it may not have been. But the fear in the family, the "she'll be right, mate," attitude of the police, perceived by the family to be because "she's only a blackfella" does nothing to assuage the fear. Or the sense of guilt at not making more of a fuss to get the police moving. Rhoda Roberts is a trained actress, writer, experienced journalist and TV presenter on national television. She designed a lot of the Aboriginal segment at the Opening Ceremony of the Sydney Olympic Games. She's lived in Europe for years, travelled the world. But inside she is still a frightened little girl, a product of the racism that enveloped her as she was growing up, including the well-meaning comments of the women at church. MWM, you need to protect these kids. Yes, a bus driver will chatter, and chances are the employer will simply give her a rap over the knuckles and tell hr to watch her mouth because she is such a hard worker in other ways. But C will know it was you who said something, and a rap over the knuckles does not cure long-held and deeply-run beliefs like this. I really don't know what could be done to fix this, short of miraculously finding someone who is a hard worker and NOT racist. And how can you be sure? The only thing I can see, is that if you DO act, and something is done, your children will see that this is wrong and action can be taken. Words that wound do not have to be accepted or tolerated. So forget about your personal hurt, don't let that sway you, at least for now. Think about your reasons for wanting this dealt with and then make your decision. Marg [/QUOTE]
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My AA sons bigoted bus driver. Feedback.
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