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My Adult daughter has issues with me but won't tell me why?
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 558879" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Hi, Susie. I have had this happen to me and when I finally found out what was going on, it was a hodgepodge of strangeness and his own ideas of how he had been wronged. They weren't true, but they were his perception. I don't see him anymore...he was adopted at six and perhaps did not attach to us. He also is very financially successful so he doesn't need anything from us. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes adult kids act like children around their parents. This in my opinion is especially true when the parent keeps taking on a strong parental role, as you have in taking care of her family, well past the age of twenty one. I would never have given you this advice when I was younger, but experience has told me that if she is unwilling to tell you what is wrong, perhaps it is best to concentrate on your grandson and let her work it out of her system. You have given her a lot and in my opinion it is selfish of her to suddenly give you the cold shoulder with no explanation. But will she suddenly be nice to you if she needs money again? in my opinion it is best to break this cycle of adult child dependence. It encourages this sort of teen-agerish behavior in our grown kids, especially if they are not really quite emotioinally grown up to their age level. I have a 34 year old son who is going through a divorce and was draining me...I have decided to detach and not be his (sometimes abusive) sounding board anymore. </p><p></p><p>Is this your only child? Are you married? Do you have a support system? Is your daughter rather controlling herself and does she have problems getting along with a lot of people? To me, it sounds like it is more her than anything you've done. Very difficult people, if she is one, don't need much of a reason to get angry or hurt people that love them.</p><p></p><p>It is probably something very silly that has your emotionally young daughter in a tizzy. If you can think of her as maybe still a child, perhaps you can just forget the anger and hurt (because young children can say hurtful things) and just focus on your grandson and others in your life who appreciate your kindness and love and do not hurt you in return. This is probably not the first time this daughter has hurt you and perhaps she could use some counseling, but maybe she won't get any. I do think, like the others, that counseling will help YOU. </p><p></p><p>Sometimes to me it seems like the kindest parents, who give their all to their children, are the ones who get stepped on the most.</p><p></p><p>Hugs and keep us posted.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 558879, member: 1550"] Hi, Susie. I have had this happen to me and when I finally found out what was going on, it was a hodgepodge of strangeness and his own ideas of how he had been wronged. They weren't true, but they were his perception. I don't see him anymore...he was adopted at six and perhaps did not attach to us. He also is very financially successful so he doesn't need anything from us. Sometimes adult kids act like children around their parents. This in my opinion is especially true when the parent keeps taking on a strong parental role, as you have in taking care of her family, well past the age of twenty one. I would never have given you this advice when I was younger, but experience has told me that if she is unwilling to tell you what is wrong, perhaps it is best to concentrate on your grandson and let her work it out of her system. You have given her a lot and in my opinion it is selfish of her to suddenly give you the cold shoulder with no explanation. But will she suddenly be nice to you if she needs money again? in my opinion it is best to break this cycle of adult child dependence. It encourages this sort of teen-agerish behavior in our grown kids, especially if they are not really quite emotioinally grown up to their age level. I have a 34 year old son who is going through a divorce and was draining me...I have decided to detach and not be his (sometimes abusive) sounding board anymore. Is this your only child? Are you married? Do you have a support system? Is your daughter rather controlling herself and does she have problems getting along with a lot of people? To me, it sounds like it is more her than anything you've done. Very difficult people, if she is one, don't need much of a reason to get angry or hurt people that love them. It is probably something very silly that has your emotionally young daughter in a tizzy. If you can think of her as maybe still a child, perhaps you can just forget the anger and hurt (because young children can say hurtful things) and just focus on your grandson and others in your life who appreciate your kindness and love and do not hurt you in return. This is probably not the first time this daughter has hurt you and perhaps she could use some counseling, but maybe she won't get any. I do think, like the others, that counseling will help YOU. Sometimes to me it seems like the kindest parents, who give their all to their children, are the ones who get stepped on the most. Hugs and keep us posted. [/QUOTE]
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My Adult daughter has issues with me but won't tell me why?
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