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my adult son is terrorizing our family
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 756162" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>You will find loads of support here. And a place to be with the struggle, until it lessens, and you grow stronger.</p><p></p><p>Some thoughts: It's not obligatory to have a cell phone. If you don't have a cell phone he can't send texts. I like Crayola's idea about customized ring tones. Would it be possible to decide who are priority calls (like from specific family members) and assign them the special ringtones, ignoring the rest? But this doesn't solve the texts. Or change your phone number(s)? </p><p></p><p>The other part of it this is the shame, guilt, fear, we feel when our children are out of control especially in such a way that our relatives, friends, neighbors etc. are exposed. This has happened to me and to many of us. In my own life some of my neighbors became judgmental and gossiped about me. I found this unbearably hurtful. I felt exposed and betrayed. It was one of the most vulnerable times of my life. I even concealed some of what happened from my sister, so as to not be exposed to her reaction.</p><p></p><p>I can't say anything to you that will take away this hurt. But I will tell you that you do not deserve to suffer or to feel one bit responsible. Part of the learning in our situations is the learning to NOT carry the sense of responsibility and blame for actions taken by our adult children, who are, in fact, ADULTS. These are adult people who are making adult choices. Mothers and fathers no longer are responsible for the actions of adults who choose badly, irresponsibly and even criminally. This is something you can change in time. How much you take on.</p><p></p><p>There are tighter boundaries you can make. There is a way to think and feel about this where you can feel greater freedom and strength, and less distress, no matter what your son does. I believe this, because I have done it. And many others here, have done this better than have I. (I have been a slow learner.) I welcome you to this forum and I hope you stay with us. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 756162, member: 18958"] You will find loads of support here. And a place to be with the struggle, until it lessens, and you grow stronger. Some thoughts: It's not obligatory to have a cell phone. If you don't have a cell phone he can't send texts. I like Crayola's idea about customized ring tones. Would it be possible to decide who are priority calls (like from specific family members) and assign them the special ringtones, ignoring the rest? But this doesn't solve the texts. Or change your phone number(s)? The other part of it this is the shame, guilt, fear, we feel when our children are out of control especially in such a way that our relatives, friends, neighbors etc. are exposed. This has happened to me and to many of us. In my own life some of my neighbors became judgmental and gossiped about me. I found this unbearably hurtful. I felt exposed and betrayed. It was one of the most vulnerable times of my life. I even concealed some of what happened from my sister, so as to not be exposed to her reaction. I can't say anything to you that will take away this hurt. But I will tell you that you do not deserve to suffer or to feel one bit responsible. Part of the learning in our situations is the learning to NOT carry the sense of responsibility and blame for actions taken by our adult children, who are, in fact, ADULTS. These are adult people who are making adult choices. Mothers and fathers no longer are responsible for the actions of adults who choose badly, irresponsibly and even criminally. This is something you can change in time. How much you take on. There are tighter boundaries you can make. There is a way to think and feel about this where you can feel greater freedom and strength, and less distress, no matter what your son does. I believe this, because I have done it. And many others here, have done this better than have I. (I have been a slow learner.) I welcome you to this forum and I hope you stay with us. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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my adult son is terrorizing our family
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