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my adult son is terrorizing our family
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<blockquote data-quote="Blindsided" data-source="post: 757659" data-attributes="member: 23811"><p>V, Here is the most difficult truth to deal with -- not me, not you, not one other person can get your child to stop. Only he has that control. </p><p></p><p>My spousal situation and ages are very similar to yours, but I go to therapy when needed and read everything I can to get a better understanding of such horrific behaviors. I stopped giving my retirement money to my Difficult Child over 2 years ago. Pretty much cold turkey. She has learned that there is not a story in the world that will get me to change. She abused me horribly, bad alcoholic. She is now 41 and pregnant, living with baby daddy and HIS FAMILY! But, she is sober for now and so far she has been on good behavior.</p><p></p><p>What was helpful to me was to learn the difference between helping and enabling. Helping is support for a forward lifestyle and improved behaviors. Enabling is giving money or shelter so our Difficult Child can continue what they are doing.</p><p></p><p>I also learned from others here and reading that dealing with reality and truths yield much better results than operating from an out of control, manipulated, and emotional reaction (where our Difficult Child knows they can manipulate). Someone here told me, respond to your Difficult Child as you would a friend's daughter. That helped me put things into perspective.</p><p></p><p>Lastly, but most importantly, realizing I am only in control of me meant I needed a serious self-intervention. I am learning to put myself and my needs first. I found Radical Acceptance helpful for ME. Other books I have read are in my sig line.</p><p></p><p>I sure hope this helps.</p><p></p><p>In healing</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blindsided, post: 757659, member: 23811"] V, Here is the most difficult truth to deal with -- not me, not you, not one other person can get your child to stop. Only he has that control. My spousal situation and ages are very similar to yours, but I go to therapy when needed and read everything I can to get a better understanding of such horrific behaviors. I stopped giving my retirement money to my Difficult Child over 2 years ago. Pretty much cold turkey. She has learned that there is not a story in the world that will get me to change. She abused me horribly, bad alcoholic. She is now 41 and pregnant, living with baby daddy and HIS FAMILY! But, she is sober for now and so far she has been on good behavior. What was helpful to me was to learn the difference between helping and enabling. Helping is support for a forward lifestyle and improved behaviors. Enabling is giving money or shelter so our Difficult Child can continue what they are doing. I also learned from others here and reading that dealing with reality and truths yield much better results than operating from an out of control, manipulated, and emotional reaction (where our Difficult Child knows they can manipulate). Someone here told me, respond to your Difficult Child as you would a friend's daughter. That helped me put things into perspective. Lastly, but most importantly, realizing I am only in control of me meant I needed a serious self-intervention. I am learning to put myself and my needs first. I found Radical Acceptance helpful for ME. Other books I have read are in my sig line. I sure hope this helps. In healing [/QUOTE]
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my adult son is terrorizing our family
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