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my aunt said a strange thing about difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 474274" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>Yes, "hear you", buddy, as they say... People can be wonderfully insensitive. I have a brother who once said he "accepted J as part of our family even though he is not even a blood relative" (how magnanimous) and J has not seen him for nearly two years because the last time he did, my brother announced to me that J was "anti-social" (he had just turned three at the time) and my sister in law made some wonderfully patronising comments about how he was like the boys that her mother dealt with in her volunteer work with an organisation called Riding for the Disabled. My brother did suggest meeting up earlier this year but I am not willing to accept the tension and stress that goes with it... My other brother, although more open and compassionate, still finds J's hyperactivity difficult to be around and accommodate. Would it be different if he were not adopted? Difficult to say, with my family... They might still be the same. J gets on very well with my mother and vice versa and although I have very conflicted feelings about my mother, I keep the lines of communication open for J's sake. Other than that, his "family" are all on the Moroccan side... </p><p>My family, apart from one brother, are basically a waste of space (to put it crudely and sadly). I know you are close to your family, buddy, so their opinions will have that much more impact for you. It is hurtful, I do understand. I guess they would not make these remarks if he was your biological child, simply because there is this sense that if you adopt you are "choosing" in a way you do not if you have a child naturally. So if it turns out to be difficult, was it not perhaps better not to have chosen, is the idea, I guess. All of which is not very loving or compassionate, ultimately. Not embracing things as they are... Not the unconditional love that we are all really seeking. So you have to create that for yourself, which you do by the sounds of it. Hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 474274, member: 11227"] Yes, "hear you", buddy, as they say... People can be wonderfully insensitive. I have a brother who once said he "accepted J as part of our family even though he is not even a blood relative" (how magnanimous) and J has not seen him for nearly two years because the last time he did, my brother announced to me that J was "anti-social" (he had just turned three at the time) and my sister in law made some wonderfully patronising comments about how he was like the boys that her mother dealt with in her volunteer work with an organisation called Riding for the Disabled. My brother did suggest meeting up earlier this year but I am not willing to accept the tension and stress that goes with it... My other brother, although more open and compassionate, still finds J's hyperactivity difficult to be around and accommodate. Would it be different if he were not adopted? Difficult to say, with my family... They might still be the same. J gets on very well with my mother and vice versa and although I have very conflicted feelings about my mother, I keep the lines of communication open for J's sake. Other than that, his "family" are all on the Moroccan side... My family, apart from one brother, are basically a waste of space (to put it crudely and sadly). I know you are close to your family, buddy, so their opinions will have that much more impact for you. It is hurtful, I do understand. I guess they would not make these remarks if he was your biological child, simply because there is this sense that if you adopt you are "choosing" in a way you do not if you have a child naturally. So if it turns out to be difficult, was it not perhaps better not to have chosen, is the idea, I guess. All of which is not very loving or compassionate, ultimately. Not embracing things as they are... Not the unconditional love that we are all really seeking. So you have to create that for yourself, which you do by the sounds of it. Hugs. [/QUOTE]
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