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My beautiful talented athletic 37 year old daughter turned to pills
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 735503" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Welcome. I'm sorry you're struggling with your daughter's choices and behavior. If you read thru our stories, you'll see you're not alone.</p><p></p><p><em>Whatever</em> the reason for your daughter's troubles, you didn't cause it, you can't fix it nor can you control it. Most of the time when our kids go off the rails, it is up to us to do the heavy lifting of changing. To that end, I would encourage you to seek professional help to learn how to disengage, how to set boundaries and how to care for yourself. Many here find comfort and solace in 12 step groups such as Al Anon, Narc Anon and Families Anonymous. If you believe your daughter suffers from mental illness, try contacting NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they offer very good courses for parents which may offer you resources, information, guidance and support. A good resource book is Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Most of us here struggle with relentless guilt about our kids and that guilt and the fear that they will not survive without our help is what keeps us stuck in the FOG, (fear, obligation and guilt) Unfortunately your assessment that she will not survive if you tell her to move out keeps you both stuck in the hamster wheel of enabling. Our kids are remarkably resilient. </p><p></p><p>Trust your gut.</p><p></p><p>You've been at this for a long time and at our age, it is time to take care of ourselves, to focus on our needs and desires. We become depleted, exhausted, often depressed and highly anxious when we have focused on our troubled kids to the exclusion of our own needs. After a long time, it becomes patterned behavior which is difficult to shift out of. Which is why I advocate support and guidance to stop the pattern and create a new kind of connection with our difficult kids.</p><p></p><p>You deserve to have a life of your own. You deserve to enjoy your life and find peace. You deserve joy. You matter. Your feelings and desires matter. Put yourself as the priority and find support for yourself so that you can begin to make different choices which <em>honor <strong>you</strong></em>. Keep posting, it helps to share our stories with others who understand. I'm glad you found us. We'll do our best to support you. Hang in there, this stuff is hard. Be very kind and nurturing to yourself.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 735503, member: 13542"] Welcome. I'm sorry you're struggling with your daughter's choices and behavior. If you read thru our stories, you'll see you're not alone. [I]Whatever[/I] the reason for your daughter's troubles, you didn't cause it, you can't fix it nor can you control it. Most of the time when our kids go off the rails, it is up to us to do the heavy lifting of changing. To that end, I would encourage you to seek professional help to learn how to disengage, how to set boundaries and how to care for yourself. Many here find comfort and solace in 12 step groups such as Al Anon, Narc Anon and Families Anonymous. If you believe your daughter suffers from mental illness, try contacting NAMI, The National Alliance on Mental Illness. You can access them online, they offer very good courses for parents which may offer you resources, information, guidance and support. A good resource book is Codependent No More by Melodie Beattie. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. Most of us here struggle with relentless guilt about our kids and that guilt and the fear that they will not survive without our help is what keeps us stuck in the FOG, (fear, obligation and guilt) Unfortunately your assessment that she will not survive if you tell her to move out keeps you both stuck in the hamster wheel of enabling. Our kids are remarkably resilient. Trust your gut. You've been at this for a long time and at our age, it is time to take care of ourselves, to focus on our needs and desires. We become depleted, exhausted, often depressed and highly anxious when we have focused on our troubled kids to the exclusion of our own needs. After a long time, it becomes patterned behavior which is difficult to shift out of. Which is why I advocate support and guidance to stop the pattern and create a new kind of connection with our difficult kids. You deserve to have a life of your own. You deserve to enjoy your life and find peace. You deserve joy. You matter. Your feelings and desires matter. Put yourself as the priority and find support for yourself so that you can begin to make different choices which [I]honor [B]you[/B][/I]. Keep posting, it helps to share our stories with others who understand. I'm glad you found us. We'll do our best to support you. Hang in there, this stuff is hard. Be very kind and nurturing to yourself. (((HUGS))) [/QUOTE]
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My beautiful talented athletic 37 year old daughter turned to pills
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