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General Parenting
My consequence for easy child's defiant behavior - your thoughts
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<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 208126" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Another vote for not taking the clothes. Leave her the basics, take the luxuries this go-round. Warn her that things will escalate on your end if she continues on this path.</p><p> </p><p>I do agree that maybe some discussion should have been had about the school refusal before threatening and, hopefully, if this occurs again you two can sit and talk about why she's so afraid of turning in work that's not good enough and whether she has problems doing the required project or she just didn't feel like working on it at the time. If she had problems, she gets a pass and you two sit and work on it together to see where the problem lies. If she just didn't do the work the first time around, too bad, she goes to school and suffers the consequences.</p><p> </p><p>Right now you need to work on regaining your authority. One thing I found that helped was that I wouldn't say what a consequence was when I was angry. I would simply say that I have to think about the consequence and will let my daughter know what it was later. I would then try to make the consequence fit the action. Treat me rudely, don't ask me to do anything for you -- no rides, no friends over, no helping with hair, etc. Break a house rule, lose house privileges (no television, computer, music, etc.). Break a safety rule (leavng house without permission) and her world became totally miserable. ALL the good stuff was gone and that included the cute clothes, the hair accessories, her favorite meals. Yes, she escalated at first but after about 6 months she did get the message and stop some of the behavior. It's not easy and it's not fun, but you can do it. Just work on being consistent, don't make threats or consequences you can't keep and be sure and find some fun time together during all of the misery.</p><p> </p><p>HUGS -- it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better but it will get better!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 208126, member: 3626"] Another vote for not taking the clothes. Leave her the basics, take the luxuries this go-round. Warn her that things will escalate on your end if she continues on this path. I do agree that maybe some discussion should have been had about the school refusal before threatening and, hopefully, if this occurs again you two can sit and talk about why she's so afraid of turning in work that's not good enough and whether she has problems doing the required project or she just didn't feel like working on it at the time. If she had problems, she gets a pass and you two sit and work on it together to see where the problem lies. If she just didn't do the work the first time around, too bad, she goes to school and suffers the consequences. Right now you need to work on regaining your authority. One thing I found that helped was that I wouldn't say what a consequence was when I was angry. I would simply say that I have to think about the consequence and will let my daughter know what it was later. I would then try to make the consequence fit the action. Treat me rudely, don't ask me to do anything for you -- no rides, no friends over, no helping with hair, etc. Break a house rule, lose house privileges (no television, computer, music, etc.). Break a safety rule (leavng house without permission) and her world became totally miserable. ALL the good stuff was gone and that included the cute clothes, the hair accessories, her favorite meals. Yes, she escalated at first but after about 6 months she did get the message and stop some of the behavior. It's not easy and it's not fun, but you can do it. Just work on being consistent, don't make threats or consequences you can't keep and be sure and find some fun time together during all of the misery. HUGS -- it's going to get a lot worse before it gets better but it will get better! [/QUOTE]
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