Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
My daughter hates me
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="meowbunny" data-source="post: 110009" data-attributes="member: 3626"><p>Adopting a child is hard. Adopting a child from another country and culture makes it a tad more difficult. Adopting a child that is not an infant from another country add another layer.</p><p></p><p>Did you get her from an orphanage? If so, do you know how long she had been there before you adopted her? You might want to look to see if there any attachment issues. If so, you're in for a very long, tough road. The more you love, the more frightened she is. It takes a lot of therapy and frequently some sort of residential treatment to have a child with attachment disorders overcome even some of the issues.</p><p></p><p>There were many times I regretted adopting my daughter but usually because I wondered what I did wrong and thought maybe someone else could have done better. Like you, I gave my daughter everything I could. I sacrificed a husband, career, friends, even my mother for this child. Fortunately, I went into the adoption with my eyes pretty wide open. I understood that love and sacrificing might not be enough; that my daughter may never appreciate anything I had ever done. It sounds like you went into the adoption as so many do -- starry-eyed and thinking your child would be grateful from being taken into your heart and home. Sadly, it rarely works that way. Even biologicial children aren't grateful until they are adults -- kids just take our love for granted.</p><p></p><p>If she doesn't appreciate what you are giving her in the way of outside activities, maybe it is time to start taking them away. When my daughter was at her worst verbally (about age 12), I quit taking her places. If she could not be civil, I had no reason to want to be in a car with her. A few weeks of no soccer, no movies with friends, no gymnastics and she became civil. She didn't necessarily like me at the time but she did quit mouthing off. If she did become rude, I had no problem not taking her turning around and taking her home if we were on the way.</p><p></p><p>Don't get me wrong, I allowed her her anger. She could get mad, go to her room, go outside to cool down. She could even tell me how she felt so long as it was not at the top of herlungs and so long at is was not abusive. If, however, she started calling me names, hitting me, screaming, I quit doing.</p><p></p><p>I don't remember if your daughter is in therapy. If she isn't, I suggest you get her into therapy, preferably with one who specializes in adoption issues. More importantly, get yourself a therapist, again one who understands the added stressors put on a parent who has adopted. It really help and make a huge difference.</p><p></p><p>I hope you find some relief.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="meowbunny, post: 110009, member: 3626"] Adopting a child is hard. Adopting a child from another country and culture makes it a tad more difficult. Adopting a child that is not an infant from another country add another layer. Did you get her from an orphanage? If so, do you know how long she had been there before you adopted her? You might want to look to see if there any attachment issues. If so, you're in for a very long, tough road. The more you love, the more frightened she is. It takes a lot of therapy and frequently some sort of residential treatment to have a child with attachment disorders overcome even some of the issues. There were many times I regretted adopting my daughter but usually because I wondered what I did wrong and thought maybe someone else could have done better. Like you, I gave my daughter everything I could. I sacrificed a husband, career, friends, even my mother for this child. Fortunately, I went into the adoption with my eyes pretty wide open. I understood that love and sacrificing might not be enough; that my daughter may never appreciate anything I had ever done. It sounds like you went into the adoption as so many do -- starry-eyed and thinking your child would be grateful from being taken into your heart and home. Sadly, it rarely works that way. Even biologicial children aren't grateful until they are adults -- kids just take our love for granted. If she doesn't appreciate what you are giving her in the way of outside activities, maybe it is time to start taking them away. When my daughter was at her worst verbally (about age 12), I quit taking her places. If she could not be civil, I had no reason to want to be in a car with her. A few weeks of no soccer, no movies with friends, no gymnastics and she became civil. She didn't necessarily like me at the time but she did quit mouthing off. If she did become rude, I had no problem not taking her turning around and taking her home if we were on the way. Don't get me wrong, I allowed her her anger. She could get mad, go to her room, go outside to cool down. She could even tell me how she felt so long as it was not at the top of herlungs and so long at is was not abusive. If, however, she started calling me names, hitting me, screaming, I quit doing. I don't remember if your daughter is in therapy. If she isn't, I suggest you get her into therapy, preferably with one who specializes in adoption issues. More importantly, get yourself a therapist, again one who understands the added stressors put on a parent who has adopted. It really help and make a huge difference. I hope you find some relief. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
My daughter hates me
Top