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My daughter hates me
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<blockquote data-quote="tammyjh" data-source="post: 110078" data-attributes="member: 3072"><p>(((((hugs)))))</p><p>I can feel the frustration you have.</p><p></p><p>My difficult child was not adopted but has extensive neurological problems and is not attatched to us. The part of her brain that helps her form bonds and understand how to function socially in relationships, especially those in the family, is gone. She's not this way purposely...her brain is wired or unwired that way. Whatever is going on with your daughter, you can probably look at it in much the same way...she's not purposely trying not to bond with you, she just doesn't know how. We've been in hopes that some rewiring can go on and even though it hasn't, we still continue to do the same things with our daughter...even though it never really seems like its working. Repitition is what helps rewire and I think that can happen even when the entire brain is present.</p><p></p><p>I learned a long time ago that spanking and my daughter didn't mix and punishing her in that way for problems she couldn't help, just seemed kind of cruel and without any purpose. It didn't make me feel any better either. Just guilty. We try to be consistent with our rules and loss of privilege and time outs is what we do. Sometimes she gets it, other times she doesn't. She had a day or two just this week where we saw her doing positive things that we're not used to seeing so we're hoping its the beginning of progress. But, she's 14 and its taken a long time to get there.</p><p></p><p>I know its hard. I have many days that I want nothing more than to turn my back and let difficult child be someone elses responsibility. Like you, we do so much for her and its never really appreciated. We have a case manager who helps us located services for our daughter and we're now working on respite because we desparately need the break. Maybe you would be eligible for case management and respite as well.</p><p></p><p>Hang in there!!</p><p>(((((hugs)))))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="tammyjh, post: 110078, member: 3072"] (((((hugs))))) I can feel the frustration you have. My difficult child was not adopted but has extensive neurological problems and is not attatched to us. The part of her brain that helps her form bonds and understand how to function socially in relationships, especially those in the family, is gone. She's not this way purposely...her brain is wired or unwired that way. Whatever is going on with your daughter, you can probably look at it in much the same way...she's not purposely trying not to bond with you, she just doesn't know how. We've been in hopes that some rewiring can go on and even though it hasn't, we still continue to do the same things with our daughter...even though it never really seems like its working. Repitition is what helps rewire and I think that can happen even when the entire brain is present. I learned a long time ago that spanking and my daughter didn't mix and punishing her in that way for problems she couldn't help, just seemed kind of cruel and without any purpose. It didn't make me feel any better either. Just guilty. We try to be consistent with our rules and loss of privilege and time outs is what we do. Sometimes she gets it, other times she doesn't. She had a day or two just this week where we saw her doing positive things that we're not used to seeing so we're hoping its the beginning of progress. But, she's 14 and its taken a long time to get there. I know its hard. I have many days that I want nothing more than to turn my back and let difficult child be someone elses responsibility. Like you, we do so much for her and its never really appreciated. We have a case manager who helps us located services for our daughter and we're now working on respite because we desparately need the break. Maybe you would be eligible for case management and respite as well. Hang in there!! (((((hugs))))) [/QUOTE]
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