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My daughter lost her best friend. What to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 97118" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>MWM, sounds small like our area. Although in our village the kids have to go 'to the mainland' to go to high school and over there, there are many different schools. Usually only one or two will be at the same school, but they all travel together twice a day. When you add up all the kids in the same grade making the trip, it would be about the same number. All the high school kids (plus a few primary school kids who travel away from the local school) make up two small boatloads. One, if you cram them in. About 100 kids. And with only the ferry captain and maybe a deckhand to keep an eye on them, plus a tricky route with shoals and sandbanks, a lot of mischief and bullying happens on the boat trip.</p><p></p><p>And yes, here is where some kids sit together and exclude others, and sometimes it's just too crowded to fight your way through a crowd if you didn't actually get on the boat at the same instant.</p><p></p><p>It hurts. I wish I knew something to help her take away the pain. I did gather from you that this probably wasn't a 'mean girl' scenario, but this can sometimes creep in, or colour an associated situation. </p><p>All I can suggest is that your daughter stays polite and friendly to the two, and finds herself some other friend to cultivate. She might not be able to confide much especially to begin with, but it also can open the door to getting back with the other two as a foursome (for some weird reason, healthier than a threesome) and maybe enlarging the group.</p><p></p><p>My best friend will tend to pick up lame ducks. I don't know what that says about me - but we enjoy talking together. However, there have been times in the past and will be times in the future, when she will brush me off because someone else needs her and she knows I will always be there and can look after myself. So I wait. Find something else to do in the meantime, unburden elsewhere if I have to.</p><p></p><p>I didn't get a chance to talk to easy child 2/difficult child 2 about this, but I suspect she'd advise your daughter to register on a site like Gaia. When she got into it, husband checked it out thoroughly. He likes it, felt it has good safeguards and some healthy communication-based activities. difficult child 3 now has a Gaia link too, he's been 'chatting' to other kids, sometimes about his own problems when he gets upset. I've shoulder-surfed a few times, it makes him feel good to have friends, even if they're online. And easy child 2/difficult child 2 is also one of the popular girls, although she does put up barriers. Those she lets past her barriers are strong, true friends. (One of them is the son of a bloke who stalked me - the kid is a great bloke, the dad is just plain weird - but easy child 2/difficult child 2 has maintained the friendship despite the hassles I was having with the boy's dad).</p><p></p><p>Give her a hug for me. She WILL be stronger for all this, but for now - yes, it hurts.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 97118, member: 1991"] MWM, sounds small like our area. Although in our village the kids have to go 'to the mainland' to go to high school and over there, there are many different schools. Usually only one or two will be at the same school, but they all travel together twice a day. When you add up all the kids in the same grade making the trip, it would be about the same number. All the high school kids (plus a few primary school kids who travel away from the local school) make up two small boatloads. One, if you cram them in. About 100 kids. And with only the ferry captain and maybe a deckhand to keep an eye on them, plus a tricky route with shoals and sandbanks, a lot of mischief and bullying happens on the boat trip. And yes, here is where some kids sit together and exclude others, and sometimes it's just too crowded to fight your way through a crowd if you didn't actually get on the boat at the same instant. It hurts. I wish I knew something to help her take away the pain. I did gather from you that this probably wasn't a 'mean girl' scenario, but this can sometimes creep in, or colour an associated situation. All I can suggest is that your daughter stays polite and friendly to the two, and finds herself some other friend to cultivate. She might not be able to confide much especially to begin with, but it also can open the door to getting back with the other two as a foursome (for some weird reason, healthier than a threesome) and maybe enlarging the group. My best friend will tend to pick up lame ducks. I don't know what that says about me - but we enjoy talking together. However, there have been times in the past and will be times in the future, when she will brush me off because someone else needs her and she knows I will always be there and can look after myself. So I wait. Find something else to do in the meantime, unburden elsewhere if I have to. I didn't get a chance to talk to easy child 2/difficult child 2 about this, but I suspect she'd advise your daughter to register on a site like Gaia. When she got into it, husband checked it out thoroughly. He likes it, felt it has good safeguards and some healthy communication-based activities. difficult child 3 now has a Gaia link too, he's been 'chatting' to other kids, sometimes about his own problems when he gets upset. I've shoulder-surfed a few times, it makes him feel good to have friends, even if they're online. And easy child 2/difficult child 2 is also one of the popular girls, although she does put up barriers. Those she lets past her barriers are strong, true friends. (One of them is the son of a bloke who stalked me - the kid is a great bloke, the dad is just plain weird - but easy child 2/difficult child 2 has maintained the friendship despite the hassles I was having with the boy's dad). Give her a hug for me. She WILL be stronger for all this, but for now - yes, it hurts. Marg [/QUOTE]
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My daughter lost her best friend. What to do?
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