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My daughter wants to talk-Feeling horrible
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<blockquote data-quote="Triedntrue" data-source="post: 754118" data-attributes="member: 21499"><p>I can hear the sadness in your words. It is obvious that you love your daughter. It is also obvious that she has put you through the wringer. I am also retired and my son has used a significant amount of my retirement. I finally said no. I do help with small things but no rent , no vehicles . In my experience these "kids" are master manipulators. I too have have had suicide threats and life and death pleas but it is like so many have told me they will bleed you dry. You need to live your own life and she needs to learn how to live hers. What good is it going to do anybody if she eats up your money and you can't provide for yourself anymore. She will have not learned to take care of herself and you will be unable to help so both of you are in a bad situation. I worked 37 + years for my retirement I deserve to enjoy it he doesn't. It is also not fair to your other children to give and give to her and not them. Many of us have tried providing houses for our sons and daughters with the same result , they destroy them. About the i am dying calls you handled it beautifully. Its like the old fable of the boy who cried wolf. We keep running to help but sooner or later we just assume they are lying and we don't go. That is their consequence to live with. unfortunately the lifestyle they live is hazardous and there are risks but they need to come to the understanding that it is their behaviors, their bad decisions that force them to live that way. Until they understand that they won't change. I pray for my son every night but my prayers have gone from please get him out of this situation to please do what is best for him. I don't know what is best for him anymore i truly don't. I am not perfect and i slip up but i get a little better each time. I would say don't give her the house. Buy her something useful for Christmas that you can afford. If you feel you need to, send her a food gift card or warm clothes. The point is that it is what you want to send. It shows your love but does not enable. With the suicide threats call the police and if they feel she is in danger they will hospitalize her. Most police are connected with mental health agencies that go and talk to them and evaluate. Please do use your retirement to do things you want to do. Prayers.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Triedntrue, post: 754118, member: 21499"] I can hear the sadness in your words. It is obvious that you love your daughter. It is also obvious that she has put you through the wringer. I am also retired and my son has used a significant amount of my retirement. I finally said no. I do help with small things but no rent , no vehicles . In my experience these "kids" are master manipulators. I too have have had suicide threats and life and death pleas but it is like so many have told me they will bleed you dry. You need to live your own life and she needs to learn how to live hers. What good is it going to do anybody if she eats up your money and you can't provide for yourself anymore. She will have not learned to take care of herself and you will be unable to help so both of you are in a bad situation. I worked 37 + years for my retirement I deserve to enjoy it he doesn't. It is also not fair to your other children to give and give to her and not them. Many of us have tried providing houses for our sons and daughters with the same result , they destroy them. About the i am dying calls you handled it beautifully. Its like the old fable of the boy who cried wolf. We keep running to help but sooner or later we just assume they are lying and we don't go. That is their consequence to live with. unfortunately the lifestyle they live is hazardous and there are risks but they need to come to the understanding that it is their behaviors, their bad decisions that force them to live that way. Until they understand that they won't change. I pray for my son every night but my prayers have gone from please get him out of this situation to please do what is best for him. I don't know what is best for him anymore i truly don't. I am not perfect and i slip up but i get a little better each time. I would say don't give her the house. Buy her something useful for Christmas that you can afford. If you feel you need to, send her a food gift card or warm clothes. The point is that it is what you want to send. It shows your love but does not enable. With the suicide threats call the police and if they feel she is in danger they will hospitalize her. Most police are connected with mental health agencies that go and talk to them and evaluate. Please do use your retirement to do things you want to do. Prayers. [/QUOTE]
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