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My daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 709114" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Hi PiscesMom. What you feel, I have felt. I do feel. What you fear, I fear.</p><p></p><p>Today I woke up thinking about the long-dead Freudian psychologist, Erik Erikson. Or maybe it was a dream. I woke up thinking, was it generativity vs <u>despair</u> that described Erikson's description of my stage of life? And felt so sunk in despair that I was certain I had failed the developmental task of aging. I have been unable to shake despair for years.</p><p></p><p>I feel sunk by life. Like a sunken ship. I feel afraid to live, because life brings so much sadness and failure and fear. I am afraid of real life...because what it has dealt me that I am unable to face, or resolve.</p><p>Look. To my shame I post about "those countries" because I felt effective then. I felt fearless then. I felt my life and myself worked, then.</p><p></p><p>I look back at a time when I was not afraid, in bed, despairing, and felt competent. I am no longer that person. I do not believe I will get myself back, ever.</p><p></p><p>How I got to those countries, was by daring myself to be somebody who would do such a thing. It was an escape from my real life.</p><p></p><p>To be honest, it is not so hard. You just buy a ticket. I sold or gave away everything I had. I gave up everything. Not hard.</p><p> If you believe she should be with you, she should.</p><p>To the extent I contributed to your overwhelm, I am sorry. Sometimes what we do here, by posting, is self-serving.</p><p></p><p>We pretend a competence, a knowing in other people's lives, that we do not have in our own. PiscesMom. Believe me, I do not have that sense of competence, in self-confidence that I may pretend.</p><p></p><p>You are a wonderful mother. Do not doubt yourself. Nobody can do it better. Although we may pretend to, to ourselves.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 709114, member: 18958"] Hi PiscesMom. What you feel, I have felt. I do feel. What you fear, I fear. Today I woke up thinking about the long-dead Freudian psychologist, Erik Erikson. Or maybe it was a dream. I woke up thinking, was it generativity vs [U]despair[/U] that described Erikson's description of my stage of life? And felt so sunk in despair that I was certain I had failed the developmental task of aging. I have been unable to shake despair for years. I feel sunk by life. Like a sunken ship. I feel afraid to live, because life brings so much sadness and failure and fear. I am afraid of real life...because what it has dealt me that I am unable to face, or resolve. Look. To my shame I post about "those countries" because I felt effective then. I felt fearless then. I felt my life and myself worked, then. I look back at a time when I was not afraid, in bed, despairing, and felt competent. I am no longer that person. I do not believe I will get myself back, ever. How I got to those countries, was by daring myself to be somebody who would do such a thing. It was an escape from my real life. To be honest, it is not so hard. You just buy a ticket. I sold or gave away everything I had. I gave up everything. Not hard. If you believe she should be with you, she should. To the extent I contributed to your overwhelm, I am sorry. Sometimes what we do here, by posting, is self-serving. We pretend a competence, a knowing in other people's lives, that we do not have in our own. PiscesMom. Believe me, I do not have that sense of competence, in self-confidence that I may pretend. You are a wonderful mother. Do not doubt yourself. Nobody can do it better. Although we may pretend to, to ourselves. [/QUOTE]
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