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My difficult child jumped out of a moving car
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<blockquote data-quote="katya02" data-source="post: 220191" data-attributes="member: 2884"><p>A slightly different point of view ... you're in a tough spot with an ex who puts you down and undermines your attempts at discipline and your son has that figured out. It's easy for him to play you and your ex off against each other and either redirect your attention away from his behaviors or manage to bend the rules you've set. </p><p></p><p>Since you have custody and live with your son's actions every day, you make the rules and set the consequences. The worst thing for the situation is for you to set rules and consequences and then not follow through due to your son's manipulation. </p><p></p><p>I know it shakes you up to see an almost-grown son cry; my difficult child has done that in the recent past with very good effect. The fact that your son stopped when you came in, though, makes me think the tears were mostly for your ex's benefit. You may not agree, and I know the relief of seeing tears and thinking that difficult child has the capacity to feel emotional, but I'm throwing it out there. Time will tell. </p><p></p><p>Throwing himself out of a slowly moving car is an impulsive act that the psychiatrist should know about, for sure. Impulsive acts with little thought of consequences can be seen in several clinical situations. I'm glad he wasn't hurt. At the same time, it was an action that clearly would have a strong effect on both you and your ex and divert attention from your discipline. </p><p></p><p>My suggestion is to keep on with your program, be consistent and follow through, and expect more resistance from your son. He may try all sorts of things to distract you from the program. The only way it will work is to follow through. This may well take the support of a family counselor - do you have one? And ideally, the counselor could get your ex in to a session to get him on board or at least see the triangulation you're facing, and give you some feedback. I hope you can get the support you need, because you're doing the right thing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="katya02, post: 220191, member: 2884"] A slightly different point of view ... you're in a tough spot with an ex who puts you down and undermines your attempts at discipline and your son has that figured out. It's easy for him to play you and your ex off against each other and either redirect your attention away from his behaviors or manage to bend the rules you've set. Since you have custody and live with your son's actions every day, you make the rules and set the consequences. The worst thing for the situation is for you to set rules and consequences and then not follow through due to your son's manipulation. I know it shakes you up to see an almost-grown son cry; my difficult child has done that in the recent past with very good effect. The fact that your son stopped when you came in, though, makes me think the tears were mostly for your ex's benefit. You may not agree, and I know the relief of seeing tears and thinking that difficult child has the capacity to feel emotional, but I'm throwing it out there. Time will tell. Throwing himself out of a slowly moving car is an impulsive act that the psychiatrist should know about, for sure. Impulsive acts with little thought of consequences can be seen in several clinical situations. I'm glad he wasn't hurt. At the same time, it was an action that clearly would have a strong effect on both you and your ex and divert attention from your discipline. My suggestion is to keep on with your program, be consistent and follow through, and expect more resistance from your son. He may try all sorts of things to distract you from the program. The only way it will work is to follow through. This may well take the support of a family counselor - do you have one? And ideally, the counselor could get your ex in to a session to get him on board or at least see the triangulation you're facing, and give you some feedback. I hope you can get the support you need, because you're doing the right thing. [/QUOTE]
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