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My difficult child jumped out of a moving car
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<blockquote data-quote="627666" data-source="post: 220420" data-attributes="member: 6376"><p>It sounds like you have already turned in for the night, but maybe you will find some comfort in this post the next time you log on. I just want to welcome you to the site and as a newbie myself, encourage you to come back whenever you need a cyber hug. There are some very wise souls on this site who have offered me very kind, truthful advice. I hope you continue to find comfort in our words and our shared stories.</p><p> </p><p>I can tell you, we sent our 12 year old (ADHD/ODD) son to stay with his grandparents for a few weeks recently and it proved to be a smart move! My difficult child cannot stay with his bio-Dad (he lives full time with me and his step dad and our 6 year old daughter) because his Dad is married to someone who really has never shown an interest in our son. Long story! It got to the point at our home that we simply needed a break from the tension, the fighting, the sadness really, and I snapped one morning and told his Dad to come get him. Dad has been Disneyland Dad for along time now but he really stepped up, took our son to his parent's house, and we all ended up learning alot from the experience.</p><p> </p><p>First of all, just having the short term break gave us peace in our home once again. The peace allowed us to clear our heads and re-group. At about this same time, I found this site and started receiving wonderful advice from other parents who steered me in a better direction. While my son was away, I fired our old therapist who had led us down the wrong path, found out about "The Explosive Child" and received support for weaning my son off of his anti-depressant. Since I had time to think clearly, I found I had a whole new perspective with a wonderful new therapist and was emotionally ready to have my son come home again. </p><p> </p><p>I encourage you to stick by your plan of sending your son to his Dad's during the holidays. You need the break and it is good for him to bond with his Dad, even if Dad's house is not ideal for supporting the rules. I learned I had too many rules and expectations for my son and I needed to back off a bit. I had to give up temporarily and relinquish the control to someone else. You can do this while maintaining basic rules of respect in the home, even if he comes and goes bt your house and your ex's house. You stay consistent and let him know your rules, but just give him a few. Praise him for all the good things he is doing! I am learning these kids cannot get too much praise. They are desperate for it actually and their self esteem is often so low.</p><p> </p><p>The other piece of advice I have is to make sure you get a true Neuro psychiatric evaluation on your son. We thought we had done this in 06 but just recently found out it is not a true Neuro psychiatric evaluation and the doctor who did it is not truly qualified. In our state, the person conducting the test has to have spent a min of 2 years studying actual brain activity, disorders, functioning, etc. A true evaluation like this will look at the brain activity. So we have one scheduled in January. This will at least show your doctors what is going on in your son's brain. </p><p> </p><p>Anyways, I hope this helps a bit. Sleep tight and talk soon! <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite2" alt=";)" title="Wink ;)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=";)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="627666, post: 220420, member: 6376"] It sounds like you have already turned in for the night, but maybe you will find some comfort in this post the next time you log on. I just want to welcome you to the site and as a newbie myself, encourage you to come back whenever you need a cyber hug. There are some very wise souls on this site who have offered me very kind, truthful advice. I hope you continue to find comfort in our words and our shared stories. I can tell you, we sent our 12 year old (ADHD/ODD) son to stay with his grandparents for a few weeks recently and it proved to be a smart move! My difficult child cannot stay with his bio-Dad (he lives full time with me and his step dad and our 6 year old daughter) because his Dad is married to someone who really has never shown an interest in our son. Long story! It got to the point at our home that we simply needed a break from the tension, the fighting, the sadness really, and I snapped one morning and told his Dad to come get him. Dad has been Disneyland Dad for along time now but he really stepped up, took our son to his parent's house, and we all ended up learning alot from the experience. First of all, just having the short term break gave us peace in our home once again. The peace allowed us to clear our heads and re-group. At about this same time, I found this site and started receiving wonderful advice from other parents who steered me in a better direction. While my son was away, I fired our old therapist who had led us down the wrong path, found out about "The Explosive Child" and received support for weaning my son off of his anti-depressant. Since I had time to think clearly, I found I had a whole new perspective with a wonderful new therapist and was emotionally ready to have my son come home again. I encourage you to stick by your plan of sending your son to his Dad's during the holidays. You need the break and it is good for him to bond with his Dad, even if Dad's house is not ideal for supporting the rules. I learned I had too many rules and expectations for my son and I needed to back off a bit. I had to give up temporarily and relinquish the control to someone else. You can do this while maintaining basic rules of respect in the home, even if he comes and goes bt your house and your ex's house. You stay consistent and let him know your rules, but just give him a few. Praise him for all the good things he is doing! I am learning these kids cannot get too much praise. They are desperate for it actually and their self esteem is often so low. The other piece of advice I have is to make sure you get a true Neuro psychiatric evaluation on your son. We thought we had done this in 06 but just recently found out it is not a true Neuro psychiatric evaluation and the doctor who did it is not truly qualified. In our state, the person conducting the test has to have spent a min of 2 years studying actual brain activity, disorders, functioning, etc. A true evaluation like this will look at the brain activity. So we have one scheduled in January. This will at least show your doctors what is going on in your son's brain. Anyways, I hope this helps a bit. Sleep tight and talk soon! :winking: [/QUOTE]
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