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My father passed away last night....
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<blockquote data-quote="dreamer" data-source="post: 137277" data-attributes="member: 1697"><p>My condolences. My father in law died first, but he had been divorced from mother in law for 20+ years, and husband was an only child. and we did not yet have children, so there was only a small short thing in my church with just me and husband in attendance, and no comforting for any spouse. </p><p>mother in law lost her current husband next, but they hadd moved halfway across country and seldom saw us, so again, not much for us to be involved in - altho we did then take over financial support of mother in law, and then we did move her in with us, she was not happy with us and left, and went back half across country, where we continued financial support. </p><p></p><p>My moms husband died 11 years ago, left mom and a young son (age 10)- he was not yet 60, mom was around 50. Sadly my siblings were not able to tolerate mom dateing, and mom for the most part shut us out, holed up and watched TV 24-7 and little else. she passed away 2 years ago. </p><p> My best friend died 3 years ago this week, young, youngish kids, and left her husband behind, as well. We checked in with her husband often, and the kids, inviting them to social outings, made sure they were keeping up with day to day life, like paying bills, grocery and laundry....pitched in to help make sure they were doing so, knew how to do so etc. Mostly we let the new widower guide us in conversation and his feelings and thoughts. We remained open to him speaking about her, both good and even bad (sure, she was simply human and sometimes he wanted to say not so nice things) </p><p>Her death was not unexpected, but it did speed up in how fast it came, and it was still a shock and very very hard for everyone. Before she passed on, she kept telling everyone, "everyone dies" But, well, of course it was still quite hard for her husband and kids, and her parents. </p><p></p><p>In the case of a spouse, it is important to try to gently keep watch that the remaining spouse knows how to do things the spouse who is now gone might have taken care of in a relationship. And for some widows widowers, they do OK after and do not mind as much, being alone and now on their own than others do. SOme surviving spousses handle and tolerate others help, comfort, etc differently than others. Some welcome it, some- not so much. SOme might find help, comfort, concern to be intrusive and invasive. Some welcome it, need it, crave it, depend heavily on it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="dreamer, post: 137277, member: 1697"] My condolences. My father in law died first, but he had been divorced from mother in law for 20+ years, and husband was an only child. and we did not yet have children, so there was only a small short thing in my church with just me and husband in attendance, and no comforting for any spouse. mother in law lost her current husband next, but they hadd moved halfway across country and seldom saw us, so again, not much for us to be involved in - altho we did then take over financial support of mother in law, and then we did move her in with us, she was not happy with us and left, and went back half across country, where we continued financial support. My moms husband died 11 years ago, left mom and a young son (age 10)- he was not yet 60, mom was around 50. Sadly my siblings were not able to tolerate mom dateing, and mom for the most part shut us out, holed up and watched TV 24-7 and little else. she passed away 2 years ago. My best friend died 3 years ago this week, young, youngish kids, and left her husband behind, as well. We checked in with her husband often, and the kids, inviting them to social outings, made sure they were keeping up with day to day life, like paying bills, grocery and laundry....pitched in to help make sure they were doing so, knew how to do so etc. Mostly we let the new widower guide us in conversation and his feelings and thoughts. We remained open to him speaking about her, both good and even bad (sure, she was simply human and sometimes he wanted to say not so nice things) Her death was not unexpected, but it did speed up in how fast it came, and it was still a shock and very very hard for everyone. Before she passed on, she kept telling everyone, "everyone dies" But, well, of course it was still quite hard for her husband and kids, and her parents. In the case of a spouse, it is important to try to gently keep watch that the remaining spouse knows how to do things the spouse who is now gone might have taken care of in a relationship. And for some widows widowers, they do OK after and do not mind as much, being alone and now on their own than others do. SOme surviving spousses handle and tolerate others help, comfort, etc differently than others. Some welcome it, some- not so much. SOme might find help, comfort, concern to be intrusive and invasive. Some welcome it, need it, crave it, depend heavily on it. [/QUOTE]
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My father passed away last night....
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