I do not believe this but I understand how it feels this way. Your brothers can choose for themselves, and you can choose differently. Nobody knows how all of this will turn out. Everybody's story is still mid-way in the telling and the making.
I see your task as both simple and hard: To own the valor and meaning and incredible sweetness of the life that has been your own, not because it was especially sweet, but because it is your story. And the wonder who is you, was present throughout, even amidst the ugliness. It is only to acknowledge her and to remember her and to give her now your strong voice.
Because your voice and you are very, very strong.
There are several of us who have chosen to look at our lives as a whole.
I came to CD after my mother had died, and still almost two years later I was grieving her loss and the loss of my self and my whole life I felt after she died.
The grief I felt combined with my fear and anger about the life my son was choosing had come to define me. Nothing else anymore of anything I had been or done was of value.
I know this can be done. In 9 months, I am approaching the other side. A smile on my face, contentment, and oh so proud and grateful to be here.
We are heroes Pigless. It is only to decide to organize the parade and climb on the float.
COPA
