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My friends and their "perfect children" are making me jealous!
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 518400" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>CB, I can relate too. I think those feelings you're having are completely normal considering the kids we all have. And, I think those feelings come and go throughout our lives with our difficult child's. Mine is 39 and at different stages of life, there are different losses I have faced with her, and each one brought those feelings of envy of other families where the kids were "normal." My belief is that when those kinds of feelings surface, the best thing I can do is accept them and allow them to run their course, talk about them with those who understand, us, a therapist, a good friend (someone who doesn't brag about their own kids and can be real and have empathy for you) As I accept the feelings and don't judge them or myself for having them, they subside. </p><p></p><p>I have girlfriends who have daughters and though they don't brag about their kids, I can't enter into the conversations when they talk about the accomplishments, successes, or even just times spent where they have fun and do casual everyday things. That doesn't happen with my daughter, we don't have "normal" times or "normal" conversations, it is usually a drama which she created and then I have to detach from it. Sigh.</p><p></p><p>But, on a higher note, my sister is BiPolar (BP), with Aspergers and a few other diagnosis and she became an artist. She went through a lot, but came out the other side a teacher, a success, someone who learned to live with her issues and actually used them in her art to heal and as a teaching tool. She views herself as a disabled person and is an advocate for others like herself. She is highly accomplished. But, when she was a kid, she was difficult child'ing all over the place, no one could have been bragging about her! She tried to burn the Middle School down! Yikes. I say this because I think sometimes I need to remember that our kids have their own destiny, which we can't control, and that leads them somewhere we can't understand perhaps, but, for some, the path leads somewhere which is a success in a different way and may in fact, like my sister, help others. </p><p></p><p>There are many issues we face with our difficult child's which other parents never have to face. What you are describing is one aspect of it, the acceptance of what is. It comes and goes. We want the best for our kids, for them, but also for us to feel like we did a good job as parents. And, when our kids are difficult child's there is so much to let go of. I say give yourself a break, stop judging yourself for having these feelings which are entirely appropriate given the circumstances. Feel them and let them go. And, then? Pat yourself on the back for doing the <em>very best you can,</em> for being a great Mom, for being so honest and for being real and human. It is what it is. Acceptance is a step by step process like detachment and by acknowledging the feelings, they dissipate. Your children's actions do not reflect who you are, they only reflect who they are, (with the issues they have to deal with) it helps to remember the distinction. Hugs to you. Do something really nice for yourself today, you deserve it.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 518400, member: 13542"] CB, I can relate too. I think those feelings you're having are completely normal considering the kids we all have. And, I think those feelings come and go throughout our lives with our difficult child's. Mine is 39 and at different stages of life, there are different losses I have faced with her, and each one brought those feelings of envy of other families where the kids were "normal." My belief is that when those kinds of feelings surface, the best thing I can do is accept them and allow them to run their course, talk about them with those who understand, us, a therapist, a good friend (someone who doesn't brag about their own kids and can be real and have empathy for you) As I accept the feelings and don't judge them or myself for having them, they subside. I have girlfriends who have daughters and though they don't brag about their kids, I can't enter into the conversations when they talk about the accomplishments, successes, or even just times spent where they have fun and do casual everyday things. That doesn't happen with my daughter, we don't have "normal" times or "normal" conversations, it is usually a drama which she created and then I have to detach from it. Sigh. But, on a higher note, my sister is BiPolar (BP), with Aspergers and a few other diagnosis and she became an artist. She went through a lot, but came out the other side a teacher, a success, someone who learned to live with her issues and actually used them in her art to heal and as a teaching tool. She views herself as a disabled person and is an advocate for others like herself. She is highly accomplished. But, when she was a kid, she was difficult child'ing all over the place, no one could have been bragging about her! She tried to burn the Middle School down! Yikes. I say this because I think sometimes I need to remember that our kids have their own destiny, which we can't control, and that leads them somewhere we can't understand perhaps, but, for some, the path leads somewhere which is a success in a different way and may in fact, like my sister, help others. There are many issues we face with our difficult child's which other parents never have to face. What you are describing is one aspect of it, the acceptance of what is. It comes and goes. We want the best for our kids, for them, but also for us to feel like we did a good job as parents. And, when our kids are difficult child's there is so much to let go of. I say give yourself a break, stop judging yourself for having these feelings which are entirely appropriate given the circumstances. Feel them and let them go. And, then? Pat yourself on the back for doing the [I]very best you can,[/I] for being a great Mom, for being so honest and for being real and human. It is what it is. Acceptance is a step by step process like detachment and by acknowledging the feelings, they dissipate. Your children's actions do not reflect who you are, they only reflect who they are, (with the issues they have to deal with) it helps to remember the distinction. Hugs to you. Do something really nice for yourself today, you deserve it. [/QUOTE]
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My friends and their "perfect children" are making me jealous!
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