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Substance Abuse
My h stays angry and upset about our difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="pinevalley" data-source="post: 535258" data-attributes="member: 3710"><p>Thank you so much for your responses and very wise words. I am crying as I read your stories, because it is bringing so many emotions to the surface for me. I can't possibly talk about all this anger and hurt with anyone else, so I am so glad for this board and such caring people. </p><p></p><p>I know that my h really loves our difficult child, but he really is not comfortable with showing any kind of emotions to people. He will vent to me because he feels like he can share these emotions with me, but he has never been very good at showing his feelings with our son. I am probably much closer to our difficult child than my husband, and my difficult child feels comfortable sharing his problems and feelings with me. When our difficult child calls us from jail now he will end every call my telling me that he loves me. My h is not able to say to difficult child that he loves him also. I know that he loves difficult child, but that is just his nature and I hope that our son understands that.</p><p></p><p>My h gets extremely upset when he realizes all the money that we have spent on difficult child over the years, and he thinks that he has wasted his money. I have always pushed for therapy, medications, more therapy, etc for difficult child, and h has always been upset about the cost of all these things. He is always planning for our future, and he is cautious about spending any money at all. Now whenever he thinks about all the stuff that difficult child took out of our house and sold for drugs it really upsets him because of the waste of money. In the month before difficult child was arrested difficult child pawned everything that he owned that had any value, such as a game system, a drum set, several guitars, etc. Then he started stealing my jewelry and he even started taking some of his father's tools to sell (I caught difficult child taking a saw and drill out of the house and put a stop to that.). It was all such a waste, because now difficult child wants that stuff back again, and he does not have the money to buy them. </p><p></p><p>I wish that h would go to therapy, but he would absolutely refuses to talk to anyone. I might be able to convince him to go with me to a marriage counselor (maybe....). I definitely agree that it will take time for h to sort out all feelings of anger and hurt over difficult child. He really does not feel like he can talk to anyone about all this except me, and I don't want to be blamed for all of his problems. When he gets really angry about difficult child, my h will make these demands that he expects difficult child to straighten himself out when he comes home from jail and if difficult child uses any drugs again then my h tells me that he will just leave us. He tells me that he can not take any more of difficult child's problems, and he would rather leave us than deal with difficult child anymore. I am going to be here to support my son in his recovery, and I tell my h that this will be my first priority. I am not ready to give up on difficult child yet, and my h will just have to accept this if he wants to stay with us. He likes to get upset and make demands, but eventually my h will calm down and think clearly, It just takes time for this to happen, and sometimes I am not so patient with him. </p><p></p><p>Thanks again for understanding all these emotions. I don't feel so alone when I know that there are others on this board who understand what I am dealing with.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="pinevalley, post: 535258, member: 3710"] Thank you so much for your responses and very wise words. I am crying as I read your stories, because it is bringing so many emotions to the surface for me. I can't possibly talk about all this anger and hurt with anyone else, so I am so glad for this board and such caring people. I know that my h really loves our difficult child, but he really is not comfortable with showing any kind of emotions to people. He will vent to me because he feels like he can share these emotions with me, but he has never been very good at showing his feelings with our son. I am probably much closer to our difficult child than my husband, and my difficult child feels comfortable sharing his problems and feelings with me. When our difficult child calls us from jail now he will end every call my telling me that he loves me. My h is not able to say to difficult child that he loves him also. I know that he loves difficult child, but that is just his nature and I hope that our son understands that. My h gets extremely upset when he realizes all the money that we have spent on difficult child over the years, and he thinks that he has wasted his money. I have always pushed for therapy, medications, more therapy, etc for difficult child, and h has always been upset about the cost of all these things. He is always planning for our future, and he is cautious about spending any money at all. Now whenever he thinks about all the stuff that difficult child took out of our house and sold for drugs it really upsets him because of the waste of money. In the month before difficult child was arrested difficult child pawned everything that he owned that had any value, such as a game system, a drum set, several guitars, etc. Then he started stealing my jewelry and he even started taking some of his father's tools to sell (I caught difficult child taking a saw and drill out of the house and put a stop to that.). It was all such a waste, because now difficult child wants that stuff back again, and he does not have the money to buy them. I wish that h would go to therapy, but he would absolutely refuses to talk to anyone. I might be able to convince him to go with me to a marriage counselor (maybe....). I definitely agree that it will take time for h to sort out all feelings of anger and hurt over difficult child. He really does not feel like he can talk to anyone about all this except me, and I don't want to be blamed for all of his problems. When he gets really angry about difficult child, my h will make these demands that he expects difficult child to straighten himself out when he comes home from jail and if difficult child uses any drugs again then my h tells me that he will just leave us. He tells me that he can not take any more of difficult child's problems, and he would rather leave us than deal with difficult child anymore. I am going to be here to support my son in his recovery, and I tell my h that this will be my first priority. I am not ready to give up on difficult child yet, and my h will just have to accept this if he wants to stay with us. He likes to get upset and make demands, but eventually my h will calm down and think clearly, It just takes time for this to happen, and sometimes I am not so patient with him. Thanks again for understanding all these emotions. I don't feel so alone when I know that there are others on this board who understand what I am dealing with. [/QUOTE]
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My h stays angry and upset about our difficult child
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