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Substance Abuse
My h stays angry and upset about our difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="Nancy" data-source="post: 535269" data-attributes="member: 59"><p><em>My h gets extremely upset when he realizes all the money that we have spent on difficult child over the years, and he thinks that he has wasted his money.</em></p><p></p><p>This is exactly how my husband feels. He often talks about how he could have retired by now if it were not for the money we spent on counseling, medications, hospital visits, psychiatrist's, treatment centers, court fines, attorney fees, failed college attempt, home repairs due to her destruction, so much money and none of it made a difference. He is dead set against us spending one more dime getting help for difficult child. I had to beg him to send difficult child to the substance abuse center and it cost us $25,000 out of pocket. Our insurance never covered anything because of our high deductible. I told him it was our last chance to help her. I understand his feelings now and I too am angry at all the wasted money, especially when I see him getting older and not being able to enjoy life the way he worked so hard to be able to do.</p><p></p><p>We are pretty much on the same page about this now. We will buy difficult child groceries to prevent her from starving once in a while and he did pay her past due rent so she wouldnot be homeless but there is a limit to what we will do now. We simply cannot drain all our resources or we will have nothing left when there is no more income.</p><p></p><p>husband and I would always support difficult child's recovery, but it has to be her recovery. I hope you and husband can sit down and talk about what they support will be. In our house it was that we gave her a place to live and food on the table as long as she was following the program. When she stopped she had to leave.</p><p></p><p>I'm guessing here but I have known some engineers and I suspect some of his feelings are due to the nature of his work and they personality of the peron who does that work. I don't mean to generalize but I would think he is much like my husband in that this is the way it is, here is the problem and this is the solution. Very little room for emotion or gray area.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nancy, post: 535269, member: 59"] [I]My h gets extremely upset when he realizes all the money that we have spent on difficult child over the years, and he thinks that he has wasted his money.[/I] This is exactly how my husband feels. He often talks about how he could have retired by now if it were not for the money we spent on counseling, medications, hospital visits, psychiatrist's, treatment centers, court fines, attorney fees, failed college attempt, home repairs due to her destruction, so much money and none of it made a difference. He is dead set against us spending one more dime getting help for difficult child. I had to beg him to send difficult child to the substance abuse center and it cost us $25,000 out of pocket. Our insurance never covered anything because of our high deductible. I told him it was our last chance to help her. I understand his feelings now and I too am angry at all the wasted money, especially when I see him getting older and not being able to enjoy life the way he worked so hard to be able to do. We are pretty much on the same page about this now. We will buy difficult child groceries to prevent her from starving once in a while and he did pay her past due rent so she wouldnot be homeless but there is a limit to what we will do now. We simply cannot drain all our resources or we will have nothing left when there is no more income. husband and I would always support difficult child's recovery, but it has to be her recovery. I hope you and husband can sit down and talk about what they support will be. In our house it was that we gave her a place to live and food on the table as long as she was following the program. When she stopped she had to leave. I'm guessing here but I have known some engineers and I suspect some of his feelings are due to the nature of his work and they personality of the peron who does that work. I don't mean to generalize but I would think he is much like my husband in that this is the way it is, here is the problem and this is the solution. Very little room for emotion or gray area. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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My h stays angry and upset about our difficult child
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