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My hands are shaking
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<blockquote data-quote="Hound dog" data-source="post: 276415" data-attributes="member: 84"><p>I'd let it go for tonight. No use in getting all upset before bed and then not being able to sleep.</p><p> </p><p>I have issues with this whole Your kid / My kid thing. It's not you. I've had this issue for years, and I think it's a viewpoint that sets up sucessive marriages to fail, or at least puts an enormous amount of stress on them.</p><p> </p><p>K was 3 when husband and I married. Like it or not I stepped into a parental role. So I accepted K as my child and treated her always as I would one of my bio kids. I don't/have never attempted to step into bio Mom's shoes and never wanted to. But I have spent the past 26 years parenting K along with husband and bio Mom.</p><p> </p><p>My mother's 2nd husband was my Dad in every sense of the word, just as he was with his own grown 7 kids and my sibs. He loved us and diciplined us just as he would/did any of his own kids.</p><p> </p><p>And I know you're thinking ok, but those weren't grown kids. Yeah, it can be different when there are grown kids. But Mom's 4th husband married her after I (the youngest) had married husband. Neither Mom nor he spoke about "my" kid or "your kid" it was always "our" kid, and no outsider would've guessed the family had been combined. Actually, stepdad grew closer to me and my sibs than his own children over the years.</p><p> </p><p>Now this is just my opinion. But by automatically telling yourself that this is husband's son and he should be taking the lead you're handicapping yourself. The boy knows this, trust me, and he's using it. difficult child being husband's son and he should handle it applies if husband is the only one living with the kid. But this is YOUR home too. And like it or not, you have a parental role with this kid.</p><p> </p><p>In dealing with K I never thought of her in any other way other than being one of my kids. I approached all issues with her that way and really never had any problems. I go in with my confidence as a parent, do/say what I feel is appropriate as a parent and what is best in the situation, and that's that. Parental confidence makes an impact.</p><p> </p><p>As for husband, he needs to realize that difficult child's needs aren't the only thing to consider in this situation. (unless he'd like to move into an apartment only with difficult child where it would apply) You all are a family unit and the situation has to be approached as such. </p><p> </p><p>Sounds like maybe you need to talk with husband more and get a firm stand for boundaries and the plan before you sit down with difficult child. If husband is wavering.....difficult child will pounce on it and use it. You've got to have a plan you both can live with and stand firm on or it's gonna be so much hot air.</p><p> </p><p>(((hugs)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Hound dog, post: 276415, member: 84"] I'd let it go for tonight. No use in getting all upset before bed and then not being able to sleep. I have issues with this whole Your kid / My kid thing. It's not you. I've had this issue for years, and I think it's a viewpoint that sets up sucessive marriages to fail, or at least puts an enormous amount of stress on them. K was 3 when husband and I married. Like it or not I stepped into a parental role. So I accepted K as my child and treated her always as I would one of my bio kids. I don't/have never attempted to step into bio Mom's shoes and never wanted to. But I have spent the past 26 years parenting K along with husband and bio Mom. My mother's 2nd husband was my Dad in every sense of the word, just as he was with his own grown 7 kids and my sibs. He loved us and diciplined us just as he would/did any of his own kids. And I know you're thinking ok, but those weren't grown kids. Yeah, it can be different when there are grown kids. But Mom's 4th husband married her after I (the youngest) had married husband. Neither Mom nor he spoke about "my" kid or "your kid" it was always "our" kid, and no outsider would've guessed the family had been combined. Actually, stepdad grew closer to me and my sibs than his own children over the years. Now this is just my opinion. But by automatically telling yourself that this is husband's son and he should be taking the lead you're handicapping yourself. The boy knows this, trust me, and he's using it. difficult child being husband's son and he should handle it applies if husband is the only one living with the kid. But this is YOUR home too. And like it or not, you have a parental role with this kid. In dealing with K I never thought of her in any other way other than being one of my kids. I approached all issues with her that way and really never had any problems. I go in with my confidence as a parent, do/say what I feel is appropriate as a parent and what is best in the situation, and that's that. Parental confidence makes an impact. As for husband, he needs to realize that difficult child's needs aren't the only thing to consider in this situation. (unless he'd like to move into an apartment only with difficult child where it would apply) You all are a family unit and the situation has to be approached as such. Sounds like maybe you need to talk with husband more and get a firm stand for boundaries and the plan before you sit down with difficult child. If husband is wavering.....difficult child will pounce on it and use it. You've got to have a plan you both can live with and stand firm on or it's gonna be so much hot air. (((hugs))) [/QUOTE]
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