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My heart is breaking
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 751851" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Dear Laura</p><p></p><p>I am sorry for this turn of events with your son. As I read what is going on I could not help but think this. I think real life (without drugs and alcohol) can be hard when one first gets sober. I think while they are in recovery homes, it's a false reality. There's support. There's intensive program. The structure shores them up. And then when they're out on their own, real life hits them. Work. Boredom. Same old. Same old.</p><p></p><p>And people recovering from long stints on drugs don't necessary have the skills or the self-knowledge to make day to day life interesting They have not put into place meaningful goals. They may lack supportive friendships. They may not know who they are or what they like, without the drugs. This can be anxiety producing. And they may get sad.</p><p></p><p>I think that this is why the flashy old life beckons. The old relationship may have been abusive and full of conflict, but there was an intensity that his present life may lack. </p><p></p><p>It could also be that your son prefers Chicago, as a place to live. Maybe he feels he needs to be there in order to deal fully with recovery.</p><p></p><p>But the thing is, what in the world can you do? This is his life. He's a grown man and he's choosing. That you know all of this doesn't make it hurt less.</p><p></p><p>The possibility of relapse is always there. Until an alcoholic or drug addict faces that fully, recovery does not take. A mature person would recognize what you do, that her recovery would come first, before relationships, moves, or almost every other thing. Maybe he will grow into this person. I hope so.</p><p></p><p>I guess the process of recovery involves this learning. Through stumbling. They say that people relapse multiple times before it "takes." Maybe that's the learning. To put recovering first.</p><p></p><p>This does not mean that these 10 months have not served your son. Let's see what he does.</p><p></p><p>I don't think this is as bad as you feel. He may continue to make good choices, despite this poor one. What he has learned and achieved, is still in there. Let's see.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 751851, member: 18958"] Dear Laura I am sorry for this turn of events with your son. As I read what is going on I could not help but think this. I think real life (without drugs and alcohol) can be hard when one first gets sober. I think while they are in recovery homes, it's a false reality. There's support. There's intensive program. The structure shores them up. And then when they're out on their own, real life hits them. Work. Boredom. Same old. Same old. And people recovering from long stints on drugs don't necessary have the skills or the self-knowledge to make day to day life interesting They have not put into place meaningful goals. They may lack supportive friendships. They may not know who they are or what they like, without the drugs. This can be anxiety producing. And they may get sad. I think that this is why the flashy old life beckons. The old relationship may have been abusive and full of conflict, but there was an intensity that his present life may lack. It could also be that your son prefers Chicago, as a place to live. Maybe he feels he needs to be there in order to deal fully with recovery. But the thing is, what in the world can you do? This is his life. He's a grown man and he's choosing. That you know all of this doesn't make it hurt less. The possibility of relapse is always there. Until an alcoholic or drug addict faces that fully, recovery does not take. A mature person would recognize what you do, that her recovery would come first, before relationships, moves, or almost every other thing. Maybe he will grow into this person. I hope so. I guess the process of recovery involves this learning. Through stumbling. They say that people relapse multiple times before it "takes." Maybe that's the learning. To put recovering first. This does not mean that these 10 months have not served your son. Let's see what he does. I don't think this is as bad as you feel. He may continue to make good choices, despite this poor one. What he has learned and achieved, is still in there. Let's see. [/QUOTE]
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