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My heart is in pieces...
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<blockquote data-quote="Steely" data-source="post: 64756" data-attributes="member: 3301"><p>Oh Kitty........You <em>know</em> I have and am going through this with my son........and I <em>know</em> how heart breaking it is to watch. It just tears me up.....literally to watch. I am so sorry Tink is having to endure the same torture my son has been receiving.............Achhhh...........it makes me capable of doing unmentionable things towards these yahoos of men.</p><p></p><p>For what it is worth I <em>always </em>told the truth to my son about his dad. Always, always, always........since he was little he knew his dad was a crack addict, and he knew, if he was in jail, why. I firmly believe in always telling the truth, because kids always find out when you don't. Tink would have found out sooner or later that you had lied to her about her dad, and then that would be a chink in her trust of you. Not only that, when you talk to kids they watch not just your words, but also your body language - so when you lie - they can see the inconsistencies in the 2, and they become completely confused. So in my opinion, you did the only thing possible and that was tell the truth. </p><p></p><p>She absolutely needs to see her dad, and legally I think you can make girlfriend give up her visits because Tink has her visitation rights spelled out by the law. I know from experience If Tink sees her dad, then a lot of this angst will go away. If she can just see him, and connect with him, and know he is OK, than she will calm down and be more at peace with the reality of the situations.</p><p></p><p>And don't ever worry about stating life facts to Tink about her Dad. Telling her that daddy made a really bad choice, and this is what happens when people make these really bad choices, I think helps her process the world more logically. You don't want her to think that bad people did this to daddy - but that we are all responsible for our own choices - and unfortunately this was his.</p><p></p><p>Forgive me if I sound bossy..........I have just been through this day, after day, with my son - and I have thought SO much about all of this - I am just really opinionated now.</p><p>My thoughts will be with you.........and I am sending big cyber hugs. Stay strong.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Steely, post: 64756, member: 3301"] Oh Kitty........You [i]know[/i] I have and am going through this with my son........and I [i]know[/i] how heart breaking it is to watch. It just tears me up.....literally to watch. I am so sorry Tink is having to endure the same torture my son has been receiving.............Achhhh...........it makes me capable of doing unmentionable things towards these yahoos of men. For what it is worth I [i]always [/i]told the truth to my son about his dad. Always, always, always........since he was little he knew his dad was a crack addict, and he knew, if he was in jail, why. I firmly believe in always telling the truth, because kids always find out when you don't. Tink would have found out sooner or later that you had lied to her about her dad, and then that would be a chink in her trust of you. Not only that, when you talk to kids they watch not just your words, but also your body language - so when you lie - they can see the inconsistencies in the 2, and they become completely confused. So in my opinion, you did the only thing possible and that was tell the truth. She absolutely needs to see her dad, and legally I think you can make girlfriend give up her visits because Tink has her visitation rights spelled out by the law. I know from experience If Tink sees her dad, then a lot of this angst will go away. If she can just see him, and connect with him, and know he is OK, than she will calm down and be more at peace with the reality of the situations. And don't ever worry about stating life facts to Tink about her Dad. Telling her that daddy made a really bad choice, and this is what happens when people make these really bad choices, I think helps her process the world more logically. You don't want her to think that bad people did this to daddy - but that we are all responsible for our own choices - and unfortunately this was his. Forgive me if I sound bossy..........I have just been through this day, after day, with my son - and I have thought SO much about all of this - I am just really opinionated now. My thoughts will be with you.........and I am sending big cyber hugs. Stay strong. [/QUOTE]
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