Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
my heart may never mend
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar II" data-source="post: 118160" data-attributes="member: 4391"><p>Perhaps an email in return reinforcing the fact that you love your difficult child and the baby, and this turn of events was a total shock but that you and husband will love your difficult child and the baby no matter what decision is made. No explanations, no long sad heartbroken email (although I know how hard that will be). <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/frown.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":frown:" title="frown :frown:" data-shortname=":frown:" /></p><p></p><p>cc: yourself on the email so that you get a copy too. </p><p></p><p>I may be way off the wall here, and forgive me if I am, but if this is a manipulation by your difficult child, you can choose not to be manipulated...doesn't mean the pain will go away but it does mean that your difficult child will be left to stand with whatever decision is made and believe me...my difficult child has made some doozies. <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/emoticons/bag.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":bag:" title="bag :bag:" data-shortname=":bag:" /></p><p></p><p></p><p>Jo and Coookie have made valid points. (I only know how to quote from one letter at a time. Otherwise, I would have included phrases from Jo's post as well.)</p><p></p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/smile.png" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":smile:" title="smile :smile:" data-shortname=":smile:" /></p><p></p><p>I especially agree with Coookie's statement that we do not have to allow the manipulations.</p><p></p><p>The situation is what it is. If this is some game your difficult child is playing ~ and I absolutely agree that it is ~ you need to learn to refuse the emotional component so you can think clearly.</p><p></p><p>*********************</p><p></p><p>You need to learn to refuse to allow the emotional component so that you can think clearly.</p><p></p><p>**********************</p><p></p><p>I believe this is a matter of spiritual and emotional survival for you, Carolanne.</p><p></p><p>What a horribly traumatic thing to have happened.</p><p></p><p>You must have wanted to just throw up when you read that e mail.</p><p></p><p>Could there have been a more a cruel, cowardly, disrespectful way for them to tell you this is what the two of them had cooked up?</p><p></p><p>What I see here is that, in addition to the pain she is causing by messing up her life generally, your difficult child has done all that she knows to do to shame you before the sister with whom there are problems.</p><p></p><p>This is not an accident.</p><p></p><p>It cannot be an accident.</p><p></p><p>As the birth of this grandchild will be a source of pain for you, I think you need to begin countering the effects now. Make a copy of the e mail. Make a copy of your, as Coookie suggested, very measured response (post it here first, if you need to Carolanne ~ we will give you our imput). Keep these things in a special box, or on a special shelf, along with any journaling you do about the baby. To that, add letters to the baby, little gifts, whatever. If this goes on for years and years, there will still come a day when that baby wants to know her real grandmother.</p><p></p><p>Knowing she was always loved, whatever these people may have told her, will be your gift to this baby, and can only make her stronger.</p><p></p><p>I did something similar when I was grieving my difficult child. I set a place for him in my bedroom when the holidays rolled around. It was a focus for my grief, and enabled me to get through it. I wrote him letters I never sent, I learned to envision him happy when I knew he was not.</p><p></p><p>But I got through it.</p><p></p><p>That is where your emphasis needs to be now I think, Carolanne.</p><p></p><p>Your daughter has hurt you, badly.</p><p></p><p>You will need to take and then, heal from, the hit.</p><p></p><p>I am so sorry for your pain.</p><p></p><p>It just makes me sick to think your daughter has done this ~ part of it being to use the sister this way, and part of it being that the sister has to be eating this up with a silver spoon.</p><p></p><p>The power-hungry little witches.</p><p></p><p>Barbara</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar II, post: 118160, member: 4391"] Perhaps an email in return reinforcing the fact that you love your difficult child and the baby, and this turn of events was a total shock but that you and husband will love your difficult child and the baby no matter what decision is made. No explanations, no long sad heartbroken email (although I know how hard that will be). :frown: cc: yourself on the email so that you get a copy too. I may be way off the wall here, and forgive me if I am, but if this is a manipulation by your difficult child, you can choose not to be manipulated...doesn't mean the pain will go away but it does mean that your difficult child will be left to stand with whatever decision is made and believe me...my difficult child has made some doozies. :bag: Jo and Coookie have made valid points. (I only know how to quote from one letter at a time. Otherwise, I would have included phrases from Jo's post as well.) :smile: I especially agree with Coookie's statement that we do not have to allow the manipulations. The situation is what it is. If this is some game your difficult child is playing ~ and I absolutely agree that it is ~ you need to learn to refuse the emotional component so you can think clearly. ********************* You need to learn to refuse to allow the emotional component so that you can think clearly. ********************** I believe this is a matter of spiritual and emotional survival for you, Carolanne. What a horribly traumatic thing to have happened. You must have wanted to just throw up when you read that e mail. Could there have been a more a cruel, cowardly, disrespectful way for them to tell you this is what the two of them had cooked up? What I see here is that, in addition to the pain she is causing by messing up her life generally, your difficult child has done all that she knows to do to shame you before the sister with whom there are problems. This is not an accident. It cannot be an accident. As the birth of this grandchild will be a source of pain for you, I think you need to begin countering the effects now. Make a copy of the e mail. Make a copy of your, as Coookie suggested, very measured response (post it here first, if you need to Carolanne ~ we will give you our imput). Keep these things in a special box, or on a special shelf, along with any journaling you do about the baby. To that, add letters to the baby, little gifts, whatever. If this goes on for years and years, there will still come a day when that baby wants to know her real grandmother. Knowing she was always loved, whatever these people may have told her, will be your gift to this baby, and can only make her stronger. I did something similar when I was grieving my difficult child. I set a place for him in my bedroom when the holidays rolled around. It was a focus for my grief, and enabled me to get through it. I wrote him letters I never sent, I learned to envision him happy when I knew he was not. But I got through it. That is where your emphasis needs to be now I think, Carolanne. Your daughter has hurt you, badly. You will need to take and then, heal from, the hit. I am so sorry for your pain. It just makes me sick to think your daughter has done this ~ part of it being to use the sister this way, and part of it being that the sister has to be eating this up with a silver spoon. The power-hungry little witches. Barbara [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
my heart may never mend
Top