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my heart may never mend
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 118164" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>I don't see this as hopeless or done unless you choose for it to be. </p><p></p><p>Hugs for your pain. But I have to believe that your daughter KNEW exactly what she was doing - whether it's manipulative to hurt you OR whether it's what she considered a compromise so she wouldn't have to see the baby, but could still keep in touch - because she is unable to raise it. Maybe it would have hurt her more if you and hubby raised it. Sort of an in her face reminder of things she can't do presently. </p><p></p><p>If the rift between your sister can be healed by someone saying "I am sorry." Then YOU have a choice. You can apologize even when you know you didn't do something wrong, or you can ask your sister if there is anyway you can come to an agreement to agree to disagree because you are missing her life and that of your nephews OR you can do nothing and continue widening the rift and forget her, the nephew and possibly your grandchild. </p><p></p><p>As far as Jess giving her baby to your sister - again you have choices. </p><p></p><p>Put her out of your lives, and that of your grandchild. Which should be a beautiful fun time, but thanks to GFGdom it is what it is. And it will continue to be what it will be. </p><p></p><p>You can tell Jess that her decision hurt you, that you would like to raise the baby and ask why that isn't an option. </p><p></p><p>You can ask Jess what prompted her decision to let her Aunt raise the baby and let it go </p><p></p><p>You can ask Jess what prompted her decision to let her Aunt raise the baby and offer your home and support, but know there will always be RULES from the difficult child mother (Jess), and that the child could be used as a bartering chip. </p><p></p><p>You could tell her to give the baby up for adoption - to strangers or open adoption and be done with it all together. </p><p></p><p>While experience tells me that husband has my vote to walk away from the entire thing and save having heartache now and in the future vs. curiosities of what your grandchild is doing - it's the decision that saves your heart the most. He's probably privy to insider family information that we're not as to how YOU his wife and love are treated by your sis and Jess - I think it's his way of saying "EVERYONE has bothered my wife long enough and here's what we're going to do - get on with our lives and dump the drama that makes my wife and me so upset." </p><p></p><p>If this is a ploy by Jess, she's using the ultimate bargaining chip to manipulate you - if you don't feed into it and let her do her thing with her life and her baby - I think you'll end up with less heartache in the long run. </p><p></p><p>If you buy into this Drama-fest - I think you had better dig deep and find strength that it would take to deal with 10 Jesses. You'll need it. </p><p></p><p>Hugs </p><p>Hope you figure out what is best for YOU and husband - </p><p>Sorry for the rest</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 118164, member: 4964"] I don't see this as hopeless or done unless you choose for it to be. Hugs for your pain. But I have to believe that your daughter KNEW exactly what she was doing - whether it's manipulative to hurt you OR whether it's what she considered a compromise so she wouldn't have to see the baby, but could still keep in touch - because she is unable to raise it. Maybe it would have hurt her more if you and hubby raised it. Sort of an in her face reminder of things she can't do presently. If the rift between your sister can be healed by someone saying "I am sorry." Then YOU have a choice. You can apologize even when you know you didn't do something wrong, or you can ask your sister if there is anyway you can come to an agreement to agree to disagree because you are missing her life and that of your nephews OR you can do nothing and continue widening the rift and forget her, the nephew and possibly your grandchild. As far as Jess giving her baby to your sister - again you have choices. Put her out of your lives, and that of your grandchild. Which should be a beautiful fun time, but thanks to GFGdom it is what it is. And it will continue to be what it will be. You can tell Jess that her decision hurt you, that you would like to raise the baby and ask why that isn't an option. You can ask Jess what prompted her decision to let her Aunt raise the baby and let it go You can ask Jess what prompted her decision to let her Aunt raise the baby and offer your home and support, but know there will always be RULES from the difficult child mother (Jess), and that the child could be used as a bartering chip. You could tell her to give the baby up for adoption - to strangers or open adoption and be done with it all together. While experience tells me that husband has my vote to walk away from the entire thing and save having heartache now and in the future vs. curiosities of what your grandchild is doing - it's the decision that saves your heart the most. He's probably privy to insider family information that we're not as to how YOU his wife and love are treated by your sis and Jess - I think it's his way of saying "EVERYONE has bothered my wife long enough and here's what we're going to do - get on with our lives and dump the drama that makes my wife and me so upset." If this is a ploy by Jess, she's using the ultimate bargaining chip to manipulate you - if you don't feed into it and let her do her thing with her life and her baby - I think you'll end up with less heartache in the long run. If you buy into this Drama-fest - I think you had better dig deep and find strength that it would take to deal with 10 Jesses. You'll need it. Hugs Hope you figure out what is best for YOU and husband - Sorry for the rest Star [/QUOTE]
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