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Parent Emeritus
My husband and I are Detaching
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<blockquote data-quote="Tiredof33" data-source="post: 603730" data-attributes="member: 13558"><p>I have nothing really of help to add MD, only that I know this is very stressful and you are in my prayers. For me, letting go for my own health was the best. My BiPolar (BP) went to 190/127 and my doctor was ready to send me to the hospital.</p><p></p><p>It is amazing with these children. My difficult child had been living with girlie at the mother's home. He, hid this from me for a very long time for whatever reason. When he did tell me, his version was he mowed the grass, repaired the autos, etc, and the mother and he were good friends.</p><p></p><p>Then the fights and the mother and girlie took all of his belongings and put them by the curb in the rain. Most was stolen. After girlies was arrested the mother called male family members to physically put him out of the home. He called me and once more I helped him start over. Lasted about a month, and I am very sure he is back with girlie now.</p><p></p><p>So why in the world would the mother let him come back after all of the problems they caused??? The one time I have ever spoken with the mother she told me she found something like a bong and she knew they were doing drugs at her house. She works for the police dept!!!</p><p></p><p>I just scratch my head at his situations! The one thing it did for me was to finally make me step back and stop making excuses. I finally understood the extent of my well meaning helping (enabling). If they truly want to change and have a better life there are services to help them. From what I have experienced they are too comfortable with family and some friends and slip into their manipulative ways, get comfortable, and aren't leaving. We don't have the experience and knowledge, in my opinion, that is needed to deal with them. They have had to may years to hone their ways and they have become experts at manipulation. We're just easy prey!</p><p></p><p>RD, as difficult as it is, and as hard as it is to understand the situation, look after yourself first. The no contact at first was stressful for me, especially on his birthday and Christmas. His last birthday, not so much. They are adults!!! I never in a million years would have believed it, if someone had told me when he was born, what life would be with him.</p><p></p><p>It is a process, as RE has told us, but it is worth the initial pain to finally reach a point of peace.</p><p>(((hugs and blessings for us all)))</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Tiredof33, post: 603730, member: 13558"] I have nothing really of help to add MD, only that I know this is very stressful and you are in my prayers. For me, letting go for my own health was the best. My BiPolar (BP) went to 190/127 and my doctor was ready to send me to the hospital. It is amazing with these children. My difficult child had been living with girlie at the mother's home. He, hid this from me for a very long time for whatever reason. When he did tell me, his version was he mowed the grass, repaired the autos, etc, and the mother and he were good friends. Then the fights and the mother and girlie took all of his belongings and put them by the curb in the rain. Most was stolen. After girlies was arrested the mother called male family members to physically put him out of the home. He called me and once more I helped him start over. Lasted about a month, and I am very sure he is back with girlie now. So why in the world would the mother let him come back after all of the problems they caused??? The one time I have ever spoken with the mother she told me she found something like a bong and she knew they were doing drugs at her house. She works for the police dept!!! I just scratch my head at his situations! The one thing it did for me was to finally make me step back and stop making excuses. I finally understood the extent of my well meaning helping (enabling). If they truly want to change and have a better life there are services to help them. From what I have experienced they are too comfortable with family and some friends and slip into their manipulative ways, get comfortable, and aren't leaving. We don't have the experience and knowledge, in my opinion, that is needed to deal with them. They have had to may years to hone their ways and they have become experts at manipulation. We're just easy prey! RD, as difficult as it is, and as hard as it is to understand the situation, look after yourself first. The no contact at first was stressful for me, especially on his birthday and Christmas. His last birthday, not so much. They are adults!!! I never in a million years would have believed it, if someone had told me when he was born, what life would be with him. It is a process, as RE has told us, but it is worth the initial pain to finally reach a point of peace. (((hugs and blessings for us all))) [/QUOTE]
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