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Parent Emeritus
My husband and I are Detaching
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 604880" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>You've done the best you can. Even though it is certainly understandable that your friend would be upset, she is the one who took the action that lead to this, not you. You warned her and she didn't listen. You've done enough now. </p><p></p><p>In my own recent experience I've found that the act of detaching from our children and the changes and in fact healing that takes place as a result, has also opened up doors to look differently at other relationships. In doing so, I've seen where a similar dynamic, some form of enabling or putting up with negative behavior has been present in other relationships and <em>I can see it now</em>. It has been disconcerting, however, it makes sense too..............if you change your own behavior and set limits on how you want to be treated with your own child, you change something in yourself which is now not willing to tolerate certain behaviors. Perhaps your friend, who is blaming you for something which is not your fault, falls in to that category. </p><p></p><p>It may be prudent for you to look at the situation differently, through the eyes of your new self, someone unwilling to tolerate bad behavior, no matter WHO it comes from. When we stop the enabling, we stop thinking we are responsible for what others do, we stop thinking it's our fault, we're able to distinguish where to draw the boundary between what we are actually responsible for and what we are not. You are <strong>not</strong> responsible for what has happened to your friend, she is. It sounds as if she is an enabler too. difficult child's know who to target.</p><p></p><p>If your attorney is inexperienced and is giving bad advice, it may also be prudent to attempt to retrieve your money back and let her go. She is not representing you well. It may just be time for you to walk away from the whole mess that others have created for themselves.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 604880, member: 13542"] You've done the best you can. Even though it is certainly understandable that your friend would be upset, she is the one who took the action that lead to this, not you. You warned her and she didn't listen. You've done enough now. In my own recent experience I've found that the act of detaching from our children and the changes and in fact healing that takes place as a result, has also opened up doors to look differently at other relationships. In doing so, I've seen where a similar dynamic, some form of enabling or putting up with negative behavior has been present in other relationships and [I]I can see it now[/I]. It has been disconcerting, however, it makes sense too..............if you change your own behavior and set limits on how you want to be treated with your own child, you change something in yourself which is now not willing to tolerate certain behaviors. Perhaps your friend, who is blaming you for something which is not your fault, falls in to that category. It may be prudent for you to look at the situation differently, through the eyes of your new self, someone unwilling to tolerate bad behavior, no matter WHO it comes from. When we stop the enabling, we stop thinking we are responsible for what others do, we stop thinking it's our fault, we're able to distinguish where to draw the boundary between what we are actually responsible for and what we are not. You are [B]not[/B] responsible for what has happened to your friend, she is. It sounds as if she is an enabler too. difficult child's know who to target. If your attorney is inexperienced and is giving bad advice, it may also be prudent to attempt to retrieve your money back and let her go. She is not representing you well. It may just be time for you to walk away from the whole mess that others have created for themselves. [/QUOTE]
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