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My husband only one not on board!
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 376898" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>As your husband is the stepdad, he had no real input, not legally. Please do not let him keep you from trying medications now that you have come to a point where more than behavioral methods are needed. Your son likely needs these medications to have even a chance to be successful.</p><p> </p><p>Is your husband possibly looking at the new choices as you rejecting him? He may think that his way was doing fine, and that since what helped him is no longer resulting in good/passable/tolerable behavior from difficult child, then difficult child is telling him he is not "good enough" or that he values/cares for/respects/loves his step dad. husband may think that since you want to change how you handle things, that you also are rejecting him or have stopped loving him or want to try a new man in your life.</p><p> </p><p>Men don't think the way we do. There may be something else going on, but he may be thinking what I suggested. It is worth exploring, at any rate.</p><p> </p><p>When it comes to your son, you and your ex need to do the parenting and make the decisions. Input from the step parents/partners is a good thing, but decisions must be made by you and ex. Somehow your husband needs to learn that just because you are doing something different in terms of managing your son and his problems, it is not rejection of him, or saying he is wrong or not valued. It is simply trying to handle what is. </p><p> </p><p>You and husband may need to go to couples therapy, and he may also need a therapist. I strongly recommend that you go ahead with what you and exh agreed to, and that you make an appointment for counseling for you and husband.</p><p> </p><p>I am sorry it is so rough.</p><p> </p><p>MWM has a very valuable point. I think most of us started with a diagnosis of adhd and/or ODD. ODD is useless because it gives no treatment direction or help - it just tells you there is an untreated problem causing problems. MANY experts are now thinking that ADHD is on the spectrum that is autism somewhere. Regardless, it is very likely that your child will have other diagnosis's in the future - largely because new things are apparent as a child grows and faces new challenges and expectations. </p><p> </p><p>PLEASE have your son evaluated for sensory integration disorder by a PRIVATE Occupational Therapist (OT). MANY adhd kids have Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (sensory input isn't handled in the usual way by the brain) and treatment for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) can make a world of difference - best of all it involves NO drugs! School has Occupational Therapist (OT)'s and can evaluate for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), but they will ONLY look for ways it impacts academics. Our school Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) missed an enormous number of things that impacted school that the private Occupational Therapist (OT) had already reported. A private Occupational Therapist (OT) will give you a complete evaluation, teach you the various types of therapy and help you help your son. Most commonly the therapy involves brushing the body in a certain order with a very soft brush, either over or under clothing (makes no difference). It must be done on certain areas, avoiding others completely, and is followed by a series of gentle joint compressions. It MUST be taught by an Occupational Therapist (OT) because if done incorrectly it can cause a whole lot of problems. Once taught, you will be able to easily teach your husband, ex, etc... It is quite easy and the entire routine can be done in two or three minutes. Many children find it very pleasant (all three of mine would have let me brush them for days if I wanted, LOL - and even the most touch resistant child I have ever met allowed her mother to do it with little fussing once she learned that it would always be the same) and some even seek it out.</p><p> </p><p>It might even provide a way for your husband to accept the new things you are doing to help your difficult child. He may be very invested in "difficult child is like me, we are two of a kind, a family of choice because we know what each other is going through" so that now that his methods are not controlling difficult child's behavior, your husband is feeling very upset. Having this new diagnosis could let him say, "well, we are similar, but difficult child also has other things, so we are a family of choice even though he needs more than I do".</p><p> </p><p>Regardless of if that is how husband is feeling/thinking, difficult child still could likely benefit a lot from an evaluation for sensory integration disorder, in my opinion.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 376898, member: 1233"] As your husband is the stepdad, he had no real input, not legally. Please do not let him keep you from trying medications now that you have come to a point where more than behavioral methods are needed. Your son likely needs these medications to have even a chance to be successful. Is your husband possibly looking at the new choices as you rejecting him? He may think that his way was doing fine, and that since what helped him is no longer resulting in good/passable/tolerable behavior from difficult child, then difficult child is telling him he is not "good enough" or that he values/cares for/respects/loves his step dad. husband may think that since you want to change how you handle things, that you also are rejecting him or have stopped loving him or want to try a new man in your life. Men don't think the way we do. There may be something else going on, but he may be thinking what I suggested. It is worth exploring, at any rate. When it comes to your son, you and your ex need to do the parenting and make the decisions. Input from the step parents/partners is a good thing, but decisions must be made by you and ex. Somehow your husband needs to learn that just because you are doing something different in terms of managing your son and his problems, it is not rejection of him, or saying he is wrong or not valued. It is simply trying to handle what is. You and husband may need to go to couples therapy, and he may also need a therapist. I strongly recommend that you go ahead with what you and exh agreed to, and that you make an appointment for counseling for you and husband. I am sorry it is so rough. MWM has a very valuable point. I think most of us started with a diagnosis of adhd and/or ODD. ODD is useless because it gives no treatment direction or help - it just tells you there is an untreated problem causing problems. MANY experts are now thinking that ADHD is on the spectrum that is autism somewhere. Regardless, it is very likely that your child will have other diagnosis's in the future - largely because new things are apparent as a child grows and faces new challenges and expectations. PLEASE have your son evaluated for sensory integration disorder by a PRIVATE Occupational Therapist (OT). MANY adhd kids have Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) (sensory input isn't handled in the usual way by the brain) and treatment for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) can make a world of difference - best of all it involves NO drugs! School has Occupational Therapist (OT)'s and can evaluate for Sensory Integration Disorder (SID), but they will ONLY look for ways it impacts academics. Our school Sensory Integration Disorder (SID) missed an enormous number of things that impacted school that the private Occupational Therapist (OT) had already reported. A private Occupational Therapist (OT) will give you a complete evaluation, teach you the various types of therapy and help you help your son. Most commonly the therapy involves brushing the body in a certain order with a very soft brush, either over or under clothing (makes no difference). It must be done on certain areas, avoiding others completely, and is followed by a series of gentle joint compressions. It MUST be taught by an Occupational Therapist (OT) because if done incorrectly it can cause a whole lot of problems. Once taught, you will be able to easily teach your husband, ex, etc... It is quite easy and the entire routine can be done in two or three minutes. Many children find it very pleasant (all three of mine would have let me brush them for days if I wanted, LOL - and even the most touch resistant child I have ever met allowed her mother to do it with little fussing once she learned that it would always be the same) and some even seek it out. It might even provide a way for your husband to accept the new things you are doing to help your difficult child. He may be very invested in "difficult child is like me, we are two of a kind, a family of choice because we know what each other is going through" so that now that his methods are not controlling difficult child's behavior, your husband is feeling very upset. Having this new diagnosis could let him say, "well, we are similar, but difficult child also has other things, so we are a family of choice even though he needs more than I do". Regardless of if that is how husband is feeling/thinking, difficult child still could likely benefit a lot from an evaluation for sensory integration disorder, in my opinion. [/QUOTE]
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